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Thread: As good as it gets .

  1. #601
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    Dec 2006
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    Re: As good as it gets .

    Hi Buster. I think if we look at the events in your life this year. A pandemic like none since the Spanish flu of 1918/19/20, the loss of your dear Mum, your daughter diagnosed with MS and now moved away, your brother hinting at harming himself.

    Is it really any wonder you're feeling low? That would flatten some of the strongest of people and yet as Carnation said, you are still standing. I have total admiration for you mate and that's not me trying to make you feel better. I'm wondering if that's why family don't ask after you, because you just get on with it. You wouldn't be the first unsung hero.

    But at the same time, you're human and we all need someone to lean on. Maybe if you told your partner what you've told us here? And if she's still not listening, then you have us. People tapping away at keyboards but real people nonetheless. Hang in there buddy, 2021 can't possibly be any worse.
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  2. #602
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
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    1,973

    Re: As good as it gets .

    Hi all , well I had my day of feeling sorry for myself , a day is pretty much all I can get before something comes up , I think you’re right that my lot have got used to me just getting on with it , it’s probably not helped that through my whole life when things get tough I just laugh and make a joke of it which when I was younger would get me into trouble and fights but as you get older it takes longer to get up after a knock down.
    My other issue ( oh yes I have more than one issue ) is and I’m sure a many on here can relate is saying NO! , example last week our alcoholic neighbour said her dog was ill , could I take her to a vets , I reluctantly said yes because she made out it was dying , id worked all day so wanted to get there and back but she messed about all evening , I fell asleep and about 10 pm she rang partner asking to wake me to take her , so I did for the dog , at the pdsa free vets she got abusive at them , I suggested I deal with them when they’d assessed him , while I talked to the vet she stood swearing and shouting abuse , the dog had kennel cough not life threatening and I’d told her this before we set off , thing is if she rang tonight and I thought the dog needed it I’d go again , other people would say feck off , I spend most of my time running around after everyone but get no time for myself that’s just not allowed and it is exhausting ( I know some of you lot are the same ) .
    So that’s my lot but I know there are others worse off .
    The lake in question is just an old gravel pit next to the river Trent Nottingham, the area is a nature reserve now , places like that are always best at the very start and end of the day , this is the time of year for the murmuration of starlings which I’d love to see again it truly magical .
    Id love to get down the coast again after this halfarsed lockdown .
    So to summarise in the words of Elton , “Still F**king well standing “
    Thanks for the replies, bye x .

  3. #603
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
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    3,832

    Re: As good as it gets .

    Do you like to read, Buster? There's a great book called, "When I Say No, I feel Guilty" and it's a self-help book about being more assertive. It's very cheap on Amazon.
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  4. #604
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    Feb 2016
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    1,973

    Re: As good as it gets .

    I’m not much of a reader , workshop manuals is more my thing but I guess this is a Human Haynes Manual , I’ll wait and see if it comes out on VHS , I saw a therapist and while ago and it was mentioned about not being able to say no causing low mood and self esteem , a lot of people find me quite intimidating but it’s the pushy ones that grind me down in to saying yes to things I clearly don’t want to do .
    The last few months have now taken their toll , I’m constantly in pain feeling like I’m having a heart attack most of the day , my asthma has got worse because of the stress and cold wet weather, my daughter started chemotherapy for her ms but hasn’t gone back for the second round , she had a panic last week and walked out of the hospital before it started ,I can’t blame her for that I’d be crapping myself , there are other treatments available , shes now moved away so it’s hard to tell how she’s doing .
    Things have changed so quickly , my brother seems to be doing better but again it’s hard to tell how he really is .
    This week has been the worst Ive been in years mentally and physically, I’m hoping to take a bit of time out over Christmas not working and more importantly resting and not worrying but I’ve probabley slipped up letting God know my plans , a giant spanner is probably already on its way to drop neatly into the works .
    Anyway still here , hope you guys are doing ok x

  5. #605
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
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    3,229

    Re: As good as it gets .

    Buster, I just thought I'd put fingers to keyboard and see how things are with you? It's been an absolutely miserable day here (both mentally and meteorologically), it hasn't let up raining heavily for twelve hours now. Still, the rain sounds nice against the windows and on the tarps outside.

  6. #606
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
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    1,973

    Re: As good as it gets .

    Hi PM , thanks for asking , as much as I love the sound of rain outside it’s been too bloody wet for too long but since your message the sun has been out giving a much needed lift , this evening I went to put some flowers down for my mum and there was the most beautiful red sunset .
    Its been a tough year and as usual not for the reasons your over active brains predict , I thought covid would be the worst that could happen but fate proved otherwise, daughter diagnosed and mother passed away , but we plod on hoping things will get better , last Christmas fate put me with my mum and brother and now I know it would be our last one together so maybe everything does happen for a reason .
    A couple of days ago I took my dogs out for the morning walk , a woman came along who I’ve said hello to a few times , I said morning how’s things and she burst into tears telling me she was going to take a handful of pills as she’d had enough , not knowing exactly what to say or do I opened up something I’ve never done before to anyone in real life , I told her I know how it feels when you hate the thought of waking up to another day and every minute feeling like an eternity waiting for the day to be over , I told her Ive been in her place and come through many times trying to convince her it was a permanent answer to a temporary situation, things can and will get better but you have to ride it out for a while which isn’t easy , I walked with her for a while and let her tell me all that had brought her to this way of thinking , eventually we went our separate ways and I hoped I’d said the right things , the next day I saw her again , I said you got through yesterday and are still here , she said I’d described exactly how she felt and said thank you for listening, I may have shot myself in the foot as I always keep my dirty little secret to myself for fear of ridicule but I’m getting to the point in life we’re I think sod it im big enough and ugly enough to take it and be more open about my mental health problems .
    So yesterday we’d done with the Christmas shopping , knocked off with my business dealings , on the drive home for Christmas I thought I could hear the jingle of Santa’s sleigh behind us , on getting out it turned out to be my exhaust dragging on the road , I got underneath pulled off what was left of the back box and said f**k it , it didn’t dampen my spirit and we went for a drive to see the Christmas lights , today we had the kids round to open presents and then a nice dinner with my younger daughter, she seems in good spirits since moving to the countryside , shes found a new job there in the new year and is going to start the chemo again in January , my brother seems to be doing better keeping himself busy trying to fill the void mum has left behind .
    I do get days when I feel like I’ve had enough and burst into tears but I’m still here plodding on , today was a good day so worth hanging around for , Ive built up so much pressure since mum died trying to deal with everything but the way I see it now is if I have a bit of a cry every now and then it lets a little pressure out like slowly opening a bottle of pop so it doesn’t overflow all at once .
    Thanks for the support over the year I do appreciate it , hope you guys had a good Christmas Day and look forward to a better 2021 .
    Thanks x

  7. #607
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    Mar 2016
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    Re: As good as it gets .

    Quote Originally Posted by Buster70 View Post
    I do get days when I feel like I’ve had enough and burst into tears but I’m still here plodding on , today was a good day so worth hanging around for
    I feel this vibe Buster - very much so - but it's those good days, or moments, which make the suffering worthwhile.

    I fully advocate a full on snot-fest blarting session now and again, and it's preferable to those times when the first comprehension I have that I'm actually crying is when I feel the wetness on my cheeks or dampness of my shirt. That shit can sod right off!

    Keep plodding on Buster, and well done for helping that lady. I don't believe in coincidence, I believe in synchronicity, and I think your path was meant to cross with hers. You may well have saved a life.

    There is no shame in having a mental illness. It's not a weakness, it's the direct opposite. It takes a great deal of strength and courage to live with a mental health disorder.

    We need to open up more about mental health because it's in doing this that we can help others as well as ourselves.
    __________________
    A thought is harmless unless we believe it.

  8. #608
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    Feb 2016
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    1,973

    Re: As good as it gets .

    NoraB , I can just about handle the rough for the smooth but a better balance would be nice say four days on four days off not one good day and a fortnight of shite to make up for it , never thought I’d be replying to a message from Nora Batty on a mental health forum but this could be the first sign of madness although my family would say that ship sailed long ago , I did once get a call from a number I didn’t recognise and the woman said “ it’s Madonna I got your number off a mate “ baffled I said “ who ? “ “ Mad Donna “ a mates girlfriend nicknamed this because of her drug addiction and time spent in the funny farm , funny where technology will take you .
    Today wasn’t a good day , asthma kept me awake half the night then anxiety took over to convince me I was suffocating the entire day , it’s such a hard one to decide anxiety or asthma, ironic that the dogs I love so much and have kept me going through bad times make my asthma worse , together with cold damp weather and loads of stress it’s the perfect storm , it’s like Australia everything wants to kill you .
    I am starting to think it’s time to just say f**k it and be more open about being a sandwich short of a picnic everyone seems to be jumping on our band wagon anyway , I have two t shirts that may give the game away , one in the style of straight outta Compton but mine reads Straight outta Rampton and my new I HAVE SERIOUS ISSUES t shirt , I’m not saying I want to be proud of my slightly twisted mental state but trying to hide it 24/7 doesn’t do anyone any good .
    Hoping tomorrow is better than today was .

  9. #609
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    Feb 2016
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    Re: As good as it gets .

    Ok so maybe today might not be that day I was hoping for , crap nights sleep up since 4.30 , I thought some time away from the stress of working might be relaxing and good for me but it’s just incredibly lonely, Partner is going through the menopause so i feel like a pest if I bother her , last time I spoke to anyone was Christmas Day , since then I haven’t even had a text or call from any family or friends , sat here alone with the dogs but they don’t say a lot , think I’ll take a diazepam then take them out .

  10. #610
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    Mar 2016
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    Re: As good as it gets .

    Quote Originally Posted by Buster70 View Post
    NoraB , I can just about handle the rough for the smooth but a better balance would be nice say four days on four days off not one good day and a fortnight of shite to make up for it
    I had a mental breakdown in 2016 and there would be seconds where the clouds parted long enough for me to glimpse blue sky before the storm commenced raging. Those seconds kept me going. These days I am faring slightly better. I can manage 24 hours of relative Ok-ness and I will take that because it's a big improvement on those few seconds I had 4 years ago..

    never thought I’d be replying to a message from Nora Batty on a mental health forum
    Well I need something to keep me busy since LOTSW went off air. P.S, I'm still wearing the wrinkled stockings.

    Today wasn’t a good day , asthma kept me awake half the night then anxiety took over to convince me I was suffocating the entire day , it’s such a hard one to decide anxiety or asthma, ironic that the dogs I love so much and have kept me going through bad times make my asthma worse , together with cold damp weather and loads of stress it’s the perfect storm
    I don't have asthma but I do have symptoms with anxiety which tighten my chest and also an allergy to mould - so it's 'fun' this time of year. Good news though Buster, we've passed the shortest day and it won't be long before it's spring. Yay! Tell you what I do to help my mental health at this time of year - I watch virtual seaside walk YouTube videos and imagine that I'm there.

    I am starting to think it’s time to just say f**k it and be more open about being a sandwich short of a picnic everyone seems to be jumping on our band wagon anyway
    I don't think it's a bandwagon. I think we as humans are far more stressed than we've ever been and I think that the internet/social media has played a massive part in this.

    I have two t shirts that may give the game away , one in the style of straight outta Compton but mine reads Straight outta Rampton and my new I HAVE SERIOUS ISSUES t shirt , I’m not saying I want to be proud of my slightly twisted mental state but trying to hide it 24/7 doesn’t do anyone any good .
    Hoping tomorrow is better than today was .
    I have a t shirt which says 'Stay Weird' and a Smiths 'The World Won't Listen' one - which is apt when you're autistic - as well as numerous band t-shirts which I do not consider myself too old (50) to wear!

    Re mental health, I advocate talking about it with zero shame because most of us will experience a mental health issue in our lives.

    You have a cracking sense of humour Buster, and this is therapy when it comes to mental health.

    I hope today is a better day for you.
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