As good as it gets .

[Darksky]

Wow, hedgehogs are getting fewer and fewer in numbers. Cool to see one trundling across the road.
I reckon if several vets have said it's a benign cyst then leave well enough alone. At 12 1/2 she's a bit old to be going through the anaesthetic, let alone the op.

How's things with you anyway?

[Carnation]

I agree with Darksky about the dog Buster.
I've seen a hedgehog in our garden, but only the once. I think they are very shy, except for Busters.

[Buster70]

Being right in the city centre I thought it was a fat rat , close up hedgehogs are such a funny looking creature .
So we all agree my dog doesn't go under the knife for what is basically a cosmetic issue , it would be like a boob lift on a 90 year old , not really worth it , having such a horrific time with vets when we lost our last dog taught us a lot , the main thing being vets don't always know best, she's been with us since she was 8 weeks old after being dumped , we know when she's not well and we'll also know when her time is up (just got tearful writing that line ) .
Ive been ok today Darksky, infact better than ok , Ive been trying some different cbd oils so it could be that or maybe the stars were aligned , who knows , anyway today I just felt at ease and dealt with problems without overthinking them , the bad roofer has sent another roofing firm to try and put right his mess , partner rang me to say they'd turned up so I came home to talk to them and discuss what they were getting paid to do , I'm now a leading expert on roofing well I at least know what I'm taking about so they can't bullshit me , I dealt with them three times through the day and didn't once feel like running off and wetting myself , I also had two conversations with the bad roofer and took no crap from him everything he tried to bullshit me with I had the answer to a point he admitted he'd rush the job and messed it up , he also kept apologising which was a shock .
Not sure why God let me have my testicles back today but it felt good so I did a little victory dance in the shower ( not a pretty image ) tomorrow I'll do everything the same to recreate the can do feeling , I may fail or I may sort out a brexit deal .
My problems are all real but feeling able to deal with them every now and then is a good feeling , I know you ladees have your share of family issues right now , I'll send you some of that strength I felt today , use it wisely

[fishman65]

Crikey it looks like you and the rubbish roofer have swapped identities Buster, he's actually admitting his mistakes? You've done a real number on him, well done mate.

As for hedgehogs, I can't remember the last time we had one in our garden despite having a huge slug and snail population for them to feed on. Their numbers have nosedived nationally, figures show a 50% decline since the turn of the century. It's very worrying.

[Buster70]

Just woke up at gone two o'clock , had this really vivid dream that I was at my mums old house and she walked in looking well and young , she said she just woke up and she'd got better , she was standing upright which she can't do now and she hugged me and the grandkids , I felt this massive relief and happiness, then I woke and the reality hit me that she's only getting worse , we still haven't told her my uncle is in hospital waiting for surgery and she's constantly asking how he is because he hasn't been round .
Partner spent most of the day in tears and asked why I'm not showing I'm upset about our relationship and why I'm not crying , I feel numb most of he time like if I start to think about how bad life is I'll crack up .
I think this is why Ive felt less anxous and able to deal with people because I don't feel much at all , I don't want to be anxous but I don't want to feel nothing at all , I'm already losing my senses , I can't smell or taste , my hearing is damaged , tinnitus ,my eyesight is terrible , will I just stop being all together soon , I want to live and feel alive .although being able to sleep right now would be a start .

[SnowyGreen]

Have you ever read a book called At Last a Life by Paul David? If not I can't recommend it highly enough for those with anxiety.

[MyNameIsTerry]

How's your uncle doing, Buster? Sorry to hear he had a heart attack I hope he's back on the mend soon.

I used to see the occasional hedgehog with being a night walker for years. We saw the first one in our garden for many years not long ago. You can log the hedgehog citing on the big hedgehog map if you feel like it. They are funny creatures, cute.

If you can't track a roofer down via the old methods, look to social media. You would be surprised how people leave so many track marks across the net without realising.

I agree about your dog. If it's not needed and there is risk what is the point in unnecessary surgery? As long as it doesn't bother her that's all that should matter with something benign. Our dog was born with a cyst so they removed it at the same time they removed two other articles (much to his displeasure ) but it seems a bit pointless in an old dog. Ours gets little lumps from time to time that stay for ages and our vet has always said they are follicles.

[Darksky]

Oh, bless you Buster, what a lovely dream. It made me a bit weepy reading it, thinking about my mum when she was young, compared to now. Getting old is shite.

My other half closes up when stuff happens, totally shuts down and I can't get through. So you're not alone in your reactions. Although he's a lucky bugger because he doesn't have anxiety complicating his feelings.
This is just another crap time you will come through and come through it you will. Think of those flashes and glimmers of light we talked about. Nature, the small things? They are there still.
I love reading your posts so keep on posting. Even if you can't think of a funny note to end on( and I know you like to) it doesn't matter. Just keep offloading, you are never without friends here that totally get you.
If you want to feel alive...have you been following Carnations post....we are trying to get you into a freezing cold shower. For the purposes of science of course

[Carnation]

Buster, having dreams like that is perfectly normal. Hey, you're normal!
Seriously, your mum is obviously on your conscious and when you have dreams like that, it's almost a comfort to your mind, because in reality it feels so grim.
Mr C had a dream a couple of nights ago about his mum and she was younger and flying through the sky. The way he described it sounded beautiful and he said he felt better after having the dream.

[Buster70]

Thanks for the comments I appreciate them you have been a great help throughout the time I've been on here , it makes you feel not so alone .
Got up to partner in tears again , she said she can't be with me anymore and was leaving with the dogs to stay with an aunt , I didn't want her going but the only other option was me to go , I'm going to stay in my van , just watched the sun go down it was very beautiful given its rained all day ,I think it put on a show just for me .
Think I'll take a walk now , catch you later .