As good as it gets .

[Buster70]

I seem to be on a downward spiral right now , my mental and physical health have been in decline for some time , I wake each day with adrenaline buzzing through my body , my chest and throat are constantly tight restricting my breathing, I’m aware of every breath I take throughout the day , I take little or no enjoyment from life right now , I’m pretty sure if Donald trump walked by and slipped on a banana skin I wouldn’t find it funny, ok I might a bit
Mental anguish and real physical pain is my day , if things don’t pick up soon I might have to give up on anxiety for good and take up knitting or worse golf ( do you still have to dress like a 70s pimp , that’s golf not knitting ) .
seriously feeling fed up with this shite day in day out , thought I’d try and relax this evening , had a diazepam and a can of beer and settled down , then banging on the door and the handle being pulled , drunk neighbour was trying to get away from her bf who’d just beat her up , he was outside and I had to let her in to call the cops , he’s a psycho and will end up killing her .
I think I hear the sea calling

[Carnation]

Yes Buster, you must be due a sea break

[fishman65]

Buster, don't take up golf, please. Unless you have a Rupert Bear outfit? Seriously though, is there nothing that can be done about your physical health at least? I wish I could say something that might give you some kind of hope but then you're a glass half full kind of bloke. Half full of Jack Daniels maybe but still half full. Hang in there mate and here's a blokey hug

[Darksky]

Damn straight you would laugh if Donald Trump slipped on a banana skin in front of you. Don't even begin to deny it Your you tube video would break the internet. Who needs the Kardashians?

[Buster70]

Thanks guys / gals , feeling very trapped by life , all the things I want to do with my time on this wonderful spinning ball are made pretty much impossible by my unwanted friend anxiety , it’s like having a fight with someone you cant see or hear .
Fish , other than my back crumbling into what feels like gravel my other problem remains a mystery, I have asthma that’s a given but for three years I have constant wheezy irritation in my lungs , it started when the doc upped my steroid inhaler by 4 x , I ended up with mouth and throat infection and it’s been hell ever since , Ive given up with going to the docs they just seem to look at my records and think it’s all in my head , I cant find anyone on here with the same symptoms, I can feel the rattling in my lungs and hear the wheezing , do you think you can have a post-mortem whilst alive ? Take everything out see what’s wrong and chuck it all back in , obviously there would be a couple of small parts left over that didn’t look important i was only joking about the golf things arnt that bad .
Carnation I might be off down the coast this weekend but I’m already feeling guilty about my mum especially as it’s mother’s day , I’ve spoke to her and she thinks it’s a good thing but I doubt she remembers now .
The day I dont laugh at Trump falling on his arse would be the end of civilisation as we know it , my daughter used to video me without me knowing and put it online for her friends to see , their favourites were “dad singing Blondies Atomic loudly while driving “ and “Dad does air guitar with Grand daughter “ her friends said they wanted to swap dads , feck knows why I’m like a laptop with several coffees spilt in it .
If I were a horse they’d take me up yonder field and shoot me , ooh came over all nothern then .
maybe tomorrow eh ?

[Carnation]

Buster, your mum's happiness is your happiness.
By the sounds of it, it will be like any other day, but you can't go if you feel guilty.
Anyway, Mother's Day should be every day!

[Buster70]

I think I’ve been feeling guilty for the last twenty years for one reason or another , yesterday was twenty years since my dad died I still feel guilty over that , went to my mums today to give my bro a hand , he said it was our cousins funeral today I was shocked as no one had told me he’d died , he was in his fifties about 8 years older than me , when I was young I thought he was cool as f@@k , he was in a punk band and they had a record , I remember him giving me a 7” single and showing me his name on it , he also rode motocross, he could pull a wheelie from one end of the village to the other I was in awe of him , unfortunately he had no stop button and started drinking and doing drugs and turned into a real arse , I’ve only seen him at funerals in recent years but I was sad that he’d gone , feel a bit guilty not being at his funeral but then guilt is my middle name Buster Guilty Mcguilty Face .
still feeling rotten and in so much pain but still trying to hide it while going about my business, the two women in the post office must have noticed I wasn’t happy as they suggested stealing all the money and running off together with lots of cake , those two are going to get me locked up one day but they do make me laugh .im not sure Royal Mail would consider it funny .
Enjoyed watching the bake-off tonight I must be getting old , soggy bottoms
so here’s an anxiety question, some say acceptance is the answer , accepting this is how you are now but can you really accept it and live with it if like me you have to spend most of your time hiding it , I think it’s worse for men because of male pride and being seen as weak , being able to be open about it would be like being set free from anxiety solitary confinement, I think I’m in for life .
Right enough moaning , ta ta .

[Buster70]

On the darkest days try to enjoy the little things .

[Carnation]

I agree Buster

[Darksky]

Our local park is full of blossom at the moment Buster. It's absolutely beautiful down there. When the sun is shining, rare at the moment I know, it's nice to go there and just breathe it in.

hope you are feeling ok at the moment Buster.