As good as it gets .

[fishman65]

Buster can you stop making me laugh because Mrs F is wondering what's wrong with me

[Buster70]

So I haven’t posted for a while and I’m sure the odd person may wonder if I’m still in the land of the living ( are you that odd person ? ) , my mood has been very low due to the break up of my relationship and ongoing family problems that won’t be getting better only worse ( this might not be the be the chirpy post you expect ) I seem to be at a cross road in life but none of the directions seem to go anywhere, me and partner now sit in separate rooms or constantly argue , she seems happy with not being together as she’s said I don’t give her the love she needs , problem is I feel dead inside a lot of the time , I take no joy from things that I used to love , i plod on each day just getting through , I make friends very easily but I can’t have close friends because they will quickly start asking me to go out socialising which fills me with dread , I dealt with a chap this week and I’d only known him an hour and he said I should go out with him and his mates for beer or go round his house ( possibly a serial killer ) either way it just made me want to cut contact .
I desperately need human contact but it has to be brief , too much is too much .
Even this place became a source of anxiety, one pm accusing me of lying which I quickly proved wrong played on my mind for days like a stuck record , why would they think that ? Who else might think that ? Why no apology? Why this ? Why that ? Question after bloody question when I should have brushed it off or asked why should I bloody care , it was also pointed out I give too much away about myself which I do and this can be held against you when you upset someone , I’m not everyone’s cup of tea but in real life I’m ok with that , on line it’s harder to judge people and things can be taken wrong .
So in short life’s a bit shite , I feel a bit shite , I’m anxious , paranoid and depressed but on the plus side gnats seem to love me .
Better get up now ,woke at 5 in tears at the thought of another day but that feeling has past and it sounds like it’s stopped raining , dogs will need walking .
Take care .

[BlueIris]

Really sorry you're having such a rubbish time, Buster. I know I never commented much on your thread in the past but I do empathise.

[Carys]

Buster, people have been asking about you on another thread (can't recall the title right now)- so yes, people do care and many have been wondering and hoping that you are ok. As for PMs questioning or making accustations - delete them and block them. Simple as that, and give them no more thought AT ALL.

It sounds like things are really rough right now, and you know that nothing I say can make any difference to you IRL, but I didn't want to read and leave without saying that I know you are a fighter and your dark humour will keep you going through this and out the other side.

[pulisa]

Hello Buster. I certainly empathise with all you are saying and am so sorry that you have had these distressing PMs.

[Carnation]

Buster, just because you don't come on here, doesn't mean people don't think about you.
And those quick chats in person are all I can manage too.
As you say the moment there's an invitation, I freeze and panic at the thought of socialising on a regular basis.
As for your home life, I think you realise deep down that it's a situation that was never going to be easy. I've been down that road myself. And although it may seem that it will never change, it will one day and probably very suddenly. In the meantime, concentrate on your work, be there for your mum and your brother and find your peace with the kids and the dogs.
I'm sure you realise by now that life is no bed of roses and many people will thorn you along the way.
I've just recently experienced some so-called friendly people that have turned and like you it hurts because I am sensitive and it takes a while to recover.
YES, you probably give too much away about your life. As my mum said, "keep some things close to your chest".
I know you probably need someone to talk to about your relationship, but Buster, you are banging your head against a brick wall. Nothing has changed in your relationship for a long time and you are not going to like me telling you that my similar relationship went on for over a decade!
So, you have to get on with your life as Buster and let that part of your life work itself out. A situation can change very quickly, even in a day, so stop beating yourself up.

[Buster70]

Hi , thank you for the kind replies, when i wrote my last message I was a in very dark place ( not the cupboard under the stairs ) I just wanted it all to stop but the crazy train doesn’t pull over because you don’t like the ride , anyway spent some time with my grandkids over the weekend , a sleep over and took them to a festival on Saturday, it was just what I needed to lift me out of the rut , my granddaughter should be available on prescription, she’s very smart , extremely funny and doesn’t take no for an answer, its what I need , I say I don’t feel too good and she ignores what I’ve said and tells me what we are going to do , she said out of the blue the other day “ do you believe in Jesus Granddad” I said “ I’m on that fence on that one time will tell “ she said “ I don’t believe in Jesus, Santa or God “ shes 8 years old , so I hit back with “ it’s going to be a cheap Christmas then “ silence while she pondered on what she’d just committed to .
I running myself into the ground right now , every week one of my family needs to go to the hospital, partner , then mother now my daughter isn’t well so a brand new worry , and my dog is really struggling now she’s 13 . I come home and work on one of a hundred projects I’ve started just so I don’t have time to worry , even if I completely exhaust myself I still can’t sleep .
This place still raises my anxiety when I log on , I live my whole life through a magnifying glass (dressed in a tweed cape and deer stalker ) over examining everything , and then questioning everything I’ve done or said , I’ll still pop on every now and then just so you know I’m not laying in the woods under a broken branch thinking should have chose a bigger tree .
Laterzzz

[Carnation]

Buster it sounds a difficult time for you, so take the moments like the time with the grandkids.
The Forum is always here if you need it too. x

[fishman65]

Buster I'm so glad you're posting again and didn't see that you were until just now. I really don't understand why someone would think you were lying, you have always come across to me as a totally genuine bloke and people's characters do have a tendency to reflect truly online. Could they be envious of your talent as a comic I wonder? Hang in there mate, you are one all-round good guy

[Pkstracy]

I know I haven't been around lately, but I do think of you Buster and please don't stop posting, I do think of you as a friend, even though I never said it, thos other people that are sending you pms just ignore them, they don't really know you or your story, gives you big hugs and a kiss on the cheek. Take care of you and stop in once in awhile.