As good as it gets .

[Carnation]

Are you there yet?

[Buster70]

I am indeed “there “ or here , it nearly didn’t happen had a big bust up the night before we came , the problem may well have been created in my wonderful paranoid mind but there is a very fine blurred line between reality and and imagination.
Anyway it’s been a struggle to stop overthinking the situation, one minute things are great then the next the doubt creeps in trying it’s best to ruin the day .
So in my usual oddball style I’ve tried to boot out the thoughts with unusual tactics , I’ve tried books , dvd’s, Cbt , Cbd , QVC, etc with little success, so I tried this week to run out of adrenaline ( the body must have a limited supply) , there has been a high tide and storms at the coast so I went the wrong side of the sea defences and stood close to the huge crashing waves , it did make me feel very alive in a good way , so next day I thought I’d go one better , not too far away is RAF Coningsby air base , a short drive and a little walk and I was at the end of the run way , this turned out to be a real test , out came the Typhoon fighter jets and believe it or not you can stand within a hundred feet of them as they queue to take off , the noise was unbelievable and I started to doubt myself, my heart was pounding out of my chest and I could barely breathe but I stuck it out and filmed it on my phone as it took off , far from running out of adrenaline I couldn’t calm down for at least two hours but nothing ventured nothing gained .
There are people on here who get on planes which I couldn’t do for love nor money and ones that can’t leave the house , I’m somewhere in the middle of that , it’s always worth pushing yourself out of your comfort zone the place we’re dreams go to die .
If I could stop this paranoia about what’s going on at home I’d actually be quite happy .
Thanks again for the warm wishes and all the best to you guys too .

[Carnation]

Glad you got away Buster and by the sounds of it, feeling alive! Enjoy your time.

[Darksky]

In your jokey way, you've come out with one of the most profound things I've ever read....Comfort Zones, the places where dreams go to die. Just wow.

youre certainly having your adrenaline rushes. What happened to relaxing and peaceful breaks? Standing the wrong side of the sea wall and standing too close to Typhoons is not relaxing.

So after your (un) scientific experiment, what is the conclusion? Can we really use it all up? If so, I may go and run along side some jets myself, I may even overtake the Thomas Cook ones

[Pkstracy]

sending you hugs Buster good for you to come out of your comfort zone

[Buster70]

Ok so I can’t claim the comfort zone line as my own I can’t remember where I’ve read it because I have the memory of a Gold fish finger , it does apply to us though .
My theory on adrenaline running out hasn’t been proved as yet but I’ll stick with it for now , yesterday a test came out of the blue without me even looking for it , we noticed a local pub said auction day so we thought we’d nip in for a drink and see what was on offer , on entering the pub it became clear all was not as expected, the dress code was not the usual and we stood out like two giant sore thumbs , what we’d actually walked into was Gypsy wake , oooops these events are not what you would expect for funeral and can get really messy , we still sat down had a drink and left after a while with no bother , and a bonus I didn’t even feel that anxious, compared to the back end of a fighter jet it was a walk in the park .
Earlier in the week I was having a real hard time getting something out of my mind that I may well be imagining, I was going to ask for opinions on wether I was being paranoid but at the end of the day there is always your version their version and reality , sometimes it’s hard to believe what’s real even when it’s right in front of you , anxiety will make you doubt everything good and believe the worst .
Got another week at the coast unless I get a lottery win in which case I’ll stay until Christmas.
Take ,,,,,,,,, Have a good day

[Buster70]

Another day done and quite an uneventful wet day , my grandkids were supposed to come down for a couple of days but it didn’t happen which left me a little deflated, my daughter is now a fully paid up member of the crazy club which saddens me so much , I feel that Ive passed on some gene that’s made her this way , we nearly lost her before so it is a major worry for us , she saying and feeling the same way I did when I first got bad and no amount of reassurance can convince her it’s in her head , she thinks her life is over but we know you can have a life after anxiety, Ive explained a lot of my own mental issues to her which was hard to admit but I need her to know things can get better .
Any way partner hasn’t been well today so I went out alone down the beach with the dogs , rainy and dull but blistering sun frying your brain isn’t everyone’s cup of char, I felt pretty good plodding along with the waves crashing and it reminded me of a film scene, Quadrophenia where he walks down the beach and Love reign on me by the Who plays , so I you tubed it and played it on my phone ( great film , great song ) I felt incredibly calm and lost in the moment as if I were the only person in the world .
Im not looking forward to going home but it’s the end of the season and it’s all being closed down and boarded up for winter , I still have this issue that I may or may not have imagined to deal with when we get back ( thanks fishman for the advice on that one I do think I’ve added two and two and come up with about 50 )
Hope I’ve inspired someone to push themselves just beyond their comfort zone even if it’s only a trip to the shop for cheesy wotsits .
Ta ta

[Carnation]

Hi Buster,
I bet you noticed a change in the weather from last year. Last October was lovely. Its sad they close so early, so often you can have nice weather in the winter months, even Chrismas would be a nice getaway. Sorry for mentioning the C word.
Hey, what about turning Kevin into Father Christmas and the shed into a grotto when you get back?
I know you would have liked the kids there, but it didn't happen and you have to look forward to a next time. I'm sure they'll be many times.
Keep up the good spirit

[Darksky]

Some people including doctors say this thing is learned behaviour and not genetic. They are soooo wrong. People have it in my family that I've never even met. It's all down the one side of the family for generations. I look at my own grown up kids, so far so good, although one shows anxious tendencies, no sign of a disorder. I pray they get through life without suffering from it.
dont feel guilty Buster. We cannot help our genes. We are the sum of our parents genes and they are the sum of their parents.

theres nothing so desolate as boarded up seaside towns. We went to Blackpool once in the October half term. The Pleasure Beach was no pleasure let me tell you. Not even sure if the illuminations were still on. We learnt a lesson that week. No seaside after September.

mrs C, I've started Christmas shopping

[Carnation]

Oh no Darksky, expect you'll be getting those pine scented candles too