Well I thought I could do isolation standing on my head , turns out not so easy , I have lots of projects to do so it’s easy to keep busy and I could go back to selling if I keep it no contact , what I didn’t account for is not being a me to see my mum who is in very poor health and not being able to see my grandkids who brighten up my dark days , I get video calls and ring my mum regularly but it’s not the same , I’m also self isolating with my partner who makes it clear she doesn’t want to be with me , I probably deserve it I’m not the nicest person anxiety makes you selfish and paranoid, what I see as trying to protect us both she sees as controlling, funny that last year I was worried sick about the big party she was inviting all my old friends to for her 50th and now nowhere will be open and only a week ago we were arguing about her going to get her nails done and the next day they all closed down , I didn’t start this virus just to get out of a party by the way, you never know how things will turn out no matter how much your anxiety try’s to predict the future.
My usual routine has also gone pear shaped , the rules say I can’t use my van to go walk the dogs which is what I usually do each morning , so now instead of driving a mile to a deserted area I have to walk the streets ( not for money ) which means coming into contact with lots of people doing the same and although this is ok for my old dog she’s 14 this year my young one is a bundle of muscle and energy so she needs a run off lead which I cant do on the streets .
I guess by the end of the day my partner will be moved over to my daughters again , she’s been sent home from work and lives alone now so it can be done .
Im desperately trying to keep it together but lack of sleep and constant worry does make you have some very dark thoughts , still you plod on don’t you .
Thanks for taking the time to reply before Carnation hope you are plodding on too and anyone else reading .
Take care