As good as it gets .

[pulisa]

She has the best of both worlds being so close to you yet also having her own space. It'll take time for any diagnosis to sink in but she needs more tests before any doctor/neurologist can advise her as to the nature of her MS. It's very early days still but I appreciate how fearful she and you must be. Can you get any information from MS online support groups?

It must be completely overwhelming for you what with all the other issues going on in your life..Could you take your daughter for a day trip to the coast just to "escape" from home life for a few hours? Just the two of you?

It helps to let it all out...otherwise you feel like a constantly ticking time bomb

[Carnation]

A trip is a good idea and as from the 4th July, holiday venues will reopen for bookings. You mentioned you wanted to go for some time and if you book the first week you eliminate any risk of contamination being the first in.

[fishman65]

Buster, I know it isn't the same diagnosis but Mrs F has lived with epilepsy since 1994 and crohns disease since 2000. Since then she's developed type 2 diabetes, sacro iliac joint dysfunction and fibromyalgia. And yet she's still here, which isn't to say this is some kind of illness competition, more that there is still hope and that life will be able to continue even if it seems pretty bleak as of this very moment.

The trip sounds like a great idea, live each day as it comes. And look after yourself as well as your family.

[Carnation]

It's the creaking door that always lasts fishman x

[Buster70]

Thanks guys , she’s very tearful at the moment, she’s said she not scared of dying just the thought of ending up disabled , when she was in hospital after the overdose the Doctor insisted on telling her her organs were failing and she may die ( we were dead against telling her ) she didn’t bat an eyelid no tears she just accepted it , she needs her independence, she doesn’t want anyone knowing , her think lockdown has made everything harder for all of us , if she was at work she would have so much time to think and she is getting lonely, I don’t want it to be our every conversation but I want to reassure her that she will still have a life , I’ve shown her Jack osbourns website and YouTube clips he is very informative on MS even down to how his parents reacted , I think ms forums might help as well but it can work against if you get horror stories much like this site .
Monday may be a trip to the coast hopefully all of us with a 6ft pokey stick to keep the grandkids away and other thick space invaders , you lot know what makes me tick when the going gets tough the tough get going to skegvegas .
I think I’d cope better if I could get the odd nights sleep , since lockdown I’ve worked more than usual to keep my mind from roaming but the down side I’m in constant pain from arthritis in my back and fingers on one hand , the pain wakes me up constantly, I just feel mentally and physically exhausted, usually we go to the coast for a weekend or week to wind back down but that’s not happening this year .
I also worry about my brother looking after mum , he had a holiday planned as well but now he’s stuck .
On the whole this year is not turning out to be the best .
Again thanks for the advice it is appreciated, ps camping in my man cave tonight to see if I can sleep any better in here if the bloody cats will keep off the roof and frogs out the door .
See ya later x

[Buster70]

Managed to get to the coast yesterday, my daughter was very upset so I went over and had a talk with her , I guess my advise is the same as if we were dealing with anxiety, she said she wasnt up to going but she’d had a shower ready , I said if she didn’t go she would sit and beat herself up all day for not going and giving in , if she went and didn’t feel right worst case we turn back and come home , I told her I’d gone through this lots of times and it’s always better to feel the fear and do it anyway ,sooner or later if you keep acting normal and carry on it gets easier , she has got to make life changes and it will be hard to distinguish between ms symptoms and anxiety just f**king with you .
So we all went , had fish and chips , walked on the beach , dogs , daughters , grandkids and all , I laid on the beach for a while alone , the sky was pure blue no clouds , the sun shone warming the sand which felt silky smooth under my hands and it wasn’t hot because there was a cool breeze from the sea , briefly I felt relaxed listening to the sound of the waves , I’m pretty fearful of dying but I thought if I fell asleep now and didn’t wake up it wouldn’t be so bad , ok not so good for the beach cleaners who’d have to bag me up .
We had some laughs on what was a beautiful day , I feel guilty if I laugh or enjoy myself right now because my daughter is so unhappy but hopefully she will see the can and will still be good times ahead , I got back to my van and found a parking ticket even though I had a valid ticket , many swear words were set free but I’ll argue that one later scumbags .
Not a bad day out and hopefully soon there will be more , my anxiety is battering me but I’ll plod on .
Laterz .

[Buster70]

The last few days have been tough , my brother is struggling to keep it together looking after my mum , she can’t do anything for herself anymore so it’s getting really hard for him , I went round to look after her yesterday to give him a break I know it’s a risk but what other option is there ?
My daughter is struggling mentally with her illness , she’s spending a lot of time panicking and in tears , my partner has another chest infection coming on , this evening my daughter asked her to go round because she was in a state , partner wasn’t feeling well but still went , i then get a tearful call from my daughter saying come round mums not well , my other daughter is starting a new job this week and needs someone to look after the kids ie us , I’ve gone through this several times but it just causes arguments , she will be dealing with lots of keyworkers everyday so there will be a risk to us through the kids , I feel I’m the problem just because I have asthma.
Ive been really carful in keeping away from people but it all seems a bit pointless now , I keep thinking the money I’ve earned throughout lockdown is going to be paying for funeral probably mine , know there is no answer to my problems other than running away and living in a tree .
And that’s all I have to moan about so I’ll bid you fair well.

[Carnation]

Buster, I think you've realised by now that there's always something cropping up in your family and being the guy you are, you like to be there for them. That seems to be your role in life at the moment.
I don't think you realise your amazing strength and perseverance. Anyone in your shoes is bound to get down at times and some of us have already been there.
Your passion for life will keep you going, even though you may feel like you are about to drop, you don't!
Keep taking those sea trips to rejuvenate my friend. x

[fishman65]

I can't say it any better than Carnation has Buster. Your role does seem to be looking after everyone else, but while you're doing that, who is looking after you? Nobody probably but you're not superhuman though others appear to think you are. Your family must consider your health too. What would happen if you suddenly dropped dead or were kidnapped by aliens?

Having just told you that, I'm pretty much the same so I'll print it out and pin it to the fridge. Take care mate and try to be a bit more selfish.

[Buster70]

Hi all , haven’t had much time spare to come on here but I do appreciate the replies, it seems my every moment is taken up working , worrying, running around like a headless chuck , some days I take it in my stride others I feel like giving up , I know there is no answer or even help for my situation this is how it is and looks like it always will be so I just have to get on with it and make the best of a bad situation.
I still laugh and make people laugh so like I’ve always said enjoy the little things and try not to dwell too long on the bad things , life can be harsh and unforgiving but where there is life there is hope ( I like that word HOPE )
Anyway hope you guys who I know have problems of your own are doing okay , when this is all over I’ll get that double decker bus motorhome and pick you all up for a road trip to the funny farm , Ive heard it’s nice there .
Take care and stay home or if you can’t stay home go out but take your home with you and stay least 2 meters away from lunatics wearing masks while walking alone in the middle of nowhere, these people cannot be trusted like politicians and people who’s eyes are too close together , I’m pretty sure soon things will get better or worse or at the very least stay the same .
Thats all folks !