As good as it gets .

[Buster70]

Hi , GP’s are a rare breed right now , can’t go and see them and they won’t come out , I try to keep what medications I take to a minimum but I do have things to take to sleep problem is staying asleep .
Being in a tin box caravan might be some people’s idea of hell but for me the sound of the wind and rain outside while being warm and dry is quite comforting, with an open window we’re close enough to hear the sea , I can’t see a single light on in any other caravan so not many covidiiots to avoid .
Losing my mum has made me think more about my own mortality, I used to be terrified of the unknown of dying but it doesn’t bother me so much now , it probably will when the time comes , it’s made me think about my own funeral and writing a will , I guarantee my daughters will have plenty to write about it’s been a colourful life .
I always think some poor bugger is having a worse day but Christ this year has been hard , after my mums funeral my daughter will be starting her ms treatment , I’m hoping she doesn’t react to badly to it , the side affects can vary so much from person to person , she has been so much more happy in herself lately And does deserves break .
sorry to hear about your loses Pample , we’re not great talkers in my family when it comes to how you actually feel , after keeping it all in for months after my dad died in front of me I had a breakdown fuelled by grief and alcohol, I will know the signs this time but some times the path is already laid out for you to fail .
Hope the rain carries on through the night then stops in the morning , is that too much to ask ? We’ll see .x

[AntsyVee]

I'm with what Vee says regarding bereavement counselling; I had it after losing my mother and my wife inside fifteen months of each other.

It helped a lot; in fact, my counsellor is actually the reason I'm still here to write to you to offer advice.

Main charity in the UK is CRUSE - https://www.cruse.org.uk/

yes, I wouldn’t be here without it either. I found my best friend’s body and I carry a lot of guilt I couldn’t get to him sooner. But he was my best friend and we had some great years together, and I know he’s want me to be happy, so I live for him and try to do things he never got to do. Your mom gave you and your bro life so that you could live it. She’d want you to be kind to yourself and not blame yourself over what happened.

[EmmerLooeez]

Haven't been around for a while, but just wanted to drop you a line, Buster, to say that I hope you're okay. Sending so much love. Xx

Sent from my moto g(8) plus using Tapatalk

[Pamplemousse]

Being in a tin box caravan might be some people’s idea of hell but for me the sound of the wind and rain outside while being warm and dry is quite comforting, with an open window we’re close enough to hear the sea , I can’t see a single light on in any other caravan so not many covidiiots to avoid .

[...]

sorry to hear about your loses Pample , we’re not great talkers in my family when it comes to how you actually feel , after keeping it all in for months after my dad died in front of me I had a breakdown fuelled by grief and alcohol, I will know the signs this time but some times the path is already laid out for you to fail .
Hope the rain carries on through the night then stops in the morning , is that too much to ask ? We’ll see .x

I've never stayed in a caravan in my life, but what you have described to me sounds really very peaceful and restful. There's a lot to be said for the simple things in life: my mother maintained that as long as she had a roof over her head, food on the table and a clean bed to sleep in she needed no more. When Mum died, I wanted to get a recording of rain falling on the conservatory roof at her house: it was something both my sister and I enjoyed listening to at night. Here I quite enjoy rain on the roof and the wind blowing around the chimney and through the branches of the huge walnut tree in my garden. Sadly, I failed to get that recording.

Here, in the absence of central heating I rely on two ancient electric heaters for heat in the winter months: they're Belling "Champion" heaters (look them up) and they have a small orange lamp in the base that at night, gently lights the bedroom up with a very warm, reassuring orange glow. That alone makes me feel safe and warm.

Looking at the weather forecast, I think you'll be getting plenty of rain at night over the next few days. Just enjoy the sound and take care.

[Pamplemousse]

Actually, thinking about your GP comments: are you signed up to the online Patient Access service via your GP? The reason I ask is that you can access an e-Consult service via it (my GP practice is like Fort Knox now). I used it to get some sleeping tablets a couple of months ago - I went through the lengthy questionnaire and within 24 hours a GP rang me back, asked me some supplementary questions and once he was satisfied I wasn't going to take the lot in one go, prescribed me a week's worth of Zopiclone. That does help keep you asleep. Might be worth a try?

[Buster70]

Thanks guys it mean a lot to know other people have gone through the same and come the other side , I was lot younger and stronger when my dad died so I do worry how I’ll handle the day of the funeral.
I don’t really bother with the Docs any more I just find ways to self medicate , zopiclone used to wipe me out I couldn’t even get to bed but I’d still wake up after a few hours , I’ve got some amitriptilene with me which do help but give me headaches the next day .
Dodged the rain all day , did a lot of walking , the dogs are knackered, and the heavens opened when we got back so all good, static caravans when I was a kid had no electric just a gas fire and gas lights but we had great times , now they have central heating big tv’s , WiFi and double glazing , at home we live in a Victorian house with no central heating so this is actually better .
My mind seems to have come to the conclusion that if something good happens then bad must follow , I sometimes get a panicky feeling if I enjoy something or have some good fortune , lockdown was good financially I worked all the way through and put a lot of money aside , I did say before I felt I was saving for a funeral but didn’t know who’s but now I do .
Emmer I admire the fact you are open about who and what you are , not many would put a photo of themselves and I guess use their real names , I think that shows real strength of character, having a mental illness is like having a dirty little secret you must hide or face ridicule especially for men , in about ten days ( not even sure what day it is today they all blur ) it will all be done just the grieving process will be left , hope I do it better this time .
Thanks , x

[pulisa]

I think you should spend as much time as you can at your caravan and barricade yourself in and enjoy the solitude. It's an escape route for you and if it brings you some degree of comfort then go for it..

I tried grief counselling but found the therapist just spouted platitudes so gave up on it. Being allocated a decent therapist is so important. I wasn't really in a good place anyway after my father's awful death so probably nothing would have helped anyway and I felt very guilty for choosing the wrong care home for him. Guilt is so destructive but it can be very big in bereavement because we all think we could and should have done better..but it's not until later that you can see things more rationally and can make some degree of sense out of personal tragedy.

You've got such a lot going on, Buster but please make the most of your caravan because the respite it gives you will give you strength for the tough days ahead.

I also hope that your daughter's MS treatment helps her and makes life easier for her. I hope also that her MS team can answer any questions that she may have and that this will help to reassure her about the diagnosis and what it will mean for her x

[Pamplemousse]

My mind seems to have come to the conclusion that if something good happens then bad must follow , I sometimes get a panicky feeling if I enjoy something or have some good fortune

Do you know... I'm just the same. I almost find myself waiting for the bad thing to happen afterwards; but it's never the other way around, is it?

[pulisa]

Do you know... I'm just the same. I almost find myself waiting for the bad thing to happen afterwards; but it's never the other way around, is it?

Probably because we are used to dealing with bad news and good news is a rarity?

[AntsyVee]

Do you know... I'm just the same. I almost find myself waiting for the bad thing to happen afterwards; but it's never the other way around, is it?

I think a lot of us feel like that. Sometimes I remind myself not to get too excited or too happy about something in case it doesn't work out. When something good happens, often I say a prayer thanking G-d for what I've been given. There are many of us that get worried when something good happens. They call this part of magical thinking, and say that we shouldn't do this. I've tried to work on stopping this reaction, and I've gotten a little better, but it's still hard to stop it. My old therapist used to say that if you can't imagine yourself as happy, you never will be happy.