As good as it gets .

[Pamplemousse]

So I'm not the only person who looks skyward and quietly says "Thank You" when something works out well.

Meanwhile: I'm listening to the wind and rain down here and drawing some comfort from it, as I hope Buster is.

[Carnation]

Buster, I haven't been on here as much as I would have liked to give you all the support you need.
I hadn't realised how raw my mum's passing was in my mind and something triggered when reading one of your posts and I'm actually getting upset just writing that. And it's been over 3 years for me.
My scenario was different to yours Buster, but no doubt you will be feeling the exact same emotions as I do.
What I'm trying to say is that we all go through the mixed emotional process. But you feel alone in your emotions and that is a natural response.
People told me to just do what you feel like doing. Whether that is nothing or something, but follow your heart.

I too agree with Pulisa about the caravan visit. You didn't get your break and there's something about the sea that processes the demons in our mind. The weather doesn't matter, its your 'go to' place.
Anyway, I'm always thinking about you, especially now with what you are going through.
You'll find your feet again. It won't be an easy journey, but you are used to that Buster. But it's important you see a future for yourself and family and build on any good.
You've proved that you are strong and capable and a born survivor! x

Pamplemousse, my heart goes out to you with your losses.
And I know what a difficult time you had Pulisa with your father. xx
Anyone else not mentioned, sending hugs.

[Pamplemousse]

Pamplemousse, my heart goes out to you with your losses.
And I know what a difficult time you had Pulisa with your father. xx
Anyone else not mentioned, sending hugs.

Thanks Carnation For the last few years of Mrs. PM's life, when things got tough I'd go to my mother's to seek a little solace: even after Mum passed I used to just go and sit in the empty house for a while. I couldn't do this during the renovations, but I did go and have one last cup of tea there the night I had to hand my keys over to my brother for him to hand over to the estate agent. I took my camera to photograph the occasion.

A few short weeks later Mrs. PM passed

[Carnation]

I think it's important to find any solace you can. Whether it is a place, a walk, a garden or woods, the sea or even a shed in the garden or room in your home. x

[pulisa]

I took a whole load of photos of the rooms in my dad's house too and I look at them when I need solace. Just having the memories to hand is a comfort x

[Pamplemousse]

I took a whole load of photos of the rooms in my dad's house too and I look at them when I need solace. Just having the memories to hand is a comfort x

Same here

[pulisa]

Nothing beats a good old fashioned photo album in my opinion..

[Buster70]

Hi all , I’m not here alone but at times I couldn’t feel more lonely, reading your posts about the loved ones you’ve lost makes me realise every minute of every day someone is going through this and wondering what’s the right way to feel , I also noticed as walked down the promenade that there are loads of bunches of flowers tied to the railings to remember loved ones lost , there is something about the sea that gives comfort and can provoke thoughts and emotions , I walked down the beach last night in the dark at high tide in the storm and I wasn’t even the only one doing it , for some reason the rain wind and thrashing waves felt calming .
it is funny as mentioned that negative thought of bad news following good doesn’t work the other way , after my mum passed I didn’t run out and buy a lottery ticket and if I did win I’d feel too guilty to enjoy it , are we just doomed to feel unhappy ? , I feel like I should enjoy anything or even want to enjoy something , I feel like comfort eating and this is the ideal place but at the same time I shouldnt be eating at all , and the thought of sex is there but why ? , Guilt Guilt that’s all I deserve .
I guess most of your loved ones passing were pre covid and it is a whole new ball game , things that don’t occur to you until it’s pointed out , no more than 30 at a funeral , no wake , no singing hymns, no more than four in funeral cars , no meeting the vicar it all has to be done by phone and email , if I did fancy seeing a therapist which I doubt I will you can’t actually go and see them it’s all done by phone or online .
Im a big lover of music but right now it brings out so many emotions just one song can have me in tears reflecting on how things were but can never be again .
Ive given it a lot more thought on where to scatter my mums ashes after my dad’s were stolen , me and my bro have agreed on a place she liked and it’s near her relatives so we can all go there , I don’t have anywhere for my dad to go and remember but we all have them i our minds .
Back home tomorrow which gives me a week until the funeral on the Monday , I keep going over it in my head thinking will I get through without breaking down and looking an arse , why do we brits do that stiff upper lip thing ? Other cultures let it all out and probably feel better for it , anyway I’m just blabbering now so I’ll sod off and leave you all be .
Thanks , take care .x

[AntsyVee]

There is no right way to feel. Grief is a mixture of all sorts of emotions, and it takes a lot of time and practice to separate the useful emotions out from the ones that are just going to make you miserable. You have to be kind to yourself and accept that it will take time to process all of them.

You feel like comfort eating and comfort sex because right now you what things that make you feel better. Totally normal.

I also had a funeral in my family during the age of Covid. It was really weird and surreal. We all had to stand 6 feet apart, and wear gloves when we shared the shovel, and wear masks of course. We could not hold hands during the Kaddish. My uncle and aunt had to watch it over face-time because they were quarantined. There was no gathering and celebration of life afterwards.

You will get through the funeral. My advice is have it in any way possible. It's hard to move on without one, and everyone needs that chance to say goodbye.

Guilt is the hardest emotion to process and rid yourself of. I still feel guilty 6 years later for not being with my friend when he passed. It's gotten a lot better, but it's still there. I still work on forgiving myself.

Grief makes you sensitive to everything for months, even years. In the immediate year afterwards any sad song or movie would make me weep. I didnt go to any movies where I know someone was going to die.

Talk to the therapist. It helps to get it out. Don't make my mistake of trying to hold it all in and just press on.

Hang in there

[Pamplemousse]

I just about held it together during the funerals, not helped by nearly tipping my wife out of her wheelchair in the church at Mum's! I did say that as I'm partly of Eastern European extraction that I expect full-on wailing at my funeral!

Vee's right: there's no "right" way to grieve. I got mightily annoyed at people telling me what to do after my two bereavements and it is not something I would ever do to someone else; how you process it is entirely personal to you. Much of what you say isn't unique to you: I can't get past those first two notes on the harp of Jim Reeves' I Love You Because without being reduced to a blubbering wreck - I'm tearing up now just writing this, twelve years on.

One other little thing: sex and death. It's extremely common to have urges in that department on the loss of a loved one, believe it or not.

And Buster? You don't need to sod off and leave us alone, we don't mind you talking about this. We will be around to listen.