I've been very good for the last few years but the last few weeks have had a small relapse, I'm very scared it's going to get worse.

My acid reflux caused by a small hiatus hernia (due to having three big babies) triggered a huge post natal health anxiety bout three years ago, which I had to take Sertraline for. Luckily, I got the anxiety under control adter about three/four months but took the Sertraline for 9 months and undertook CBT therapies with a psychiatric nurse. I had a very minor blip last year (in which I went to the dr myself about) and asked to be rereferred and was knocked back by the services (I know! Even the doctor was shocked). They were just going to put me back on Sertraline which the Dr thought unnecessary. I managed to get my anxiety under control myself.

I had managed to reduce my Esomeprazole to half a tablet (10mg) a day and although I sometimes got breakthrough symptoms (I've never really had the heartburn/chest symptoms, just the silent reflux ones), it was manageable. Over the last few weeks, I've had a a bout of increased reflux. I think it was the result of having taken Naproxen for bad period pain (in Feminax tablets - I haven't used them in years and didn't realise the active ingredient was naproxen rather than simple ibuprofen) and being on holiday, eating and drinking more than normal. I very rarely drink alcohol normally. I think this triggered an acid reflux flare up and as my Esomeprazole dose is minimal.

So, the last week I've had to up my dose and am gradually getting the reflux under control. I feel such a failure as I battled rebound reflux to get down to 10mg. I'm also anxious because I don't want to suffer this short reflux for life, be on medication for life (I'm only 41), especially as there are all these warnings about long term PPI use. But I worry about not taking them, with everyday reflux, the risks of oesophogeal cancer and possible aspiration of acid in the lungs.

I have Googled Linx procedure and Nissen Fundoplication operations but these also carry risks to everyday quality of life and may not fix things long term. I might not even be eligible for surgery as my endoscopy in September 2016, only showed a small hiatus hernia and nothing else, including no irritation.

I know I'm freaking out a bit at the moment and my worry for now and the future is impacting on my ability to enjoy now. I know there are people facing real and scary challenge in their lives healthwise and I feel very selfish in comparison. I just feel myself being drawn into a hole again with this. I've booked an appointment with the doctor (first one in nearly a year!) to discuss my anxiety. She knows me well from my post natal health anxiety.