That's just it. There's nothing important to miss. It's a catch 22 for you. You look and freak out, or you don't look and freak out. I think not looking eventually will pay off. The initial anxiety will eventually wear off.
Do it in stages. Start with one day. Monday you don't look. The next week, Monday and Wednesday etc. A small victory gives you the strength and confidence to continue. It's like exercise. Start slow and build up to it.
The bottom line is you have to do something. You can't go on the way things are and expect to overcome this. Other than real life professional help or the resources here, what choice do you really have?
Positive thoughts