Anxiety beginning to ruin my life

[Humph]

Hi all.

This is my second post in a matter of weeks but I’m back to square one and just need to get things off my cheat and hear from anyone going through similar dificulties.

This year it seems my anxiety has done it’s best to spoil anything that’s meant to be fun, relaxing and enjoyable. In June my wife and I went to the lakes for a weeks holiday ( we can’t go abroad in fear my anxiety rears is disgusting ugly head and i’m ill when we’re away) but we only lasted one night before my wife had to drive us home because I had a full on anxiety meltdown on the first day. My anxiety lasted for the rest of the week and completely ruined our time off together. I did recover and in the months since things have been great until this week when we’re off work and lo and behold my anxiety is back!!! I’ve managed to keep it hidden unil this evening when were were getting ready to go out for dinner and I had to come clean to my wife after she had done her hair and makeup. We’ve had to cancel going out which I feel very guilty and selfish about because my wife doesn’t deserve any of this and she was looking forward to going out. She is however very understanding and I don’t know where I’d be without her! I just feel like anytime where I’m meant to be enjoying things my anxiety does its best to ruin things and it is beginning to really get me down.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

[rcs]

Hi Humph,

i can understand going on holiday with a change of surroundings can be stressful and you feel you should be enjoying yourself and not let down your family, we have all been there. Take care and i hope you feel better soon

[ocdbaking]

I always find that my anxiety goes up when I'm off from work. I think it's because we have time to think and dwell on anxiety and the symptoms it causes. There are times when I want to cancel plans and stay at home, but I'm far too stubborn to let anxiety run my life! I hope you manage to find a way to tame the beast ��

[Darksky]

So you are alright at work?

Any change in routine can set us off. Just being at home, not going through your regular routine can be unnerving in itself. Add in the hassle of going away on holiday with all the pressures that brings (odd how it's supposed to be relaxing) and you have a right blaze of anxiety being stoked.

Don't put pressure on yourself with holidays and evenings out. Just learn to be content outside your routine. Potter in the garden, walk the dog if you have one, cook the evening meal. Little things, baby steps until you are comfortable to take on bigger stuff, starting with a drink down the pub, no meals, no company other than your wife. Then build up.

Good luck

[sarahblonde32]

Im the same, it comes and goes so much. When im in a good place i arrange things and agree to go on nights out, then when that thing comes around lo and behold i have anxiety and cancel!!
Its sooo annoying. Do you take anything?
Someone on here told me about the distraction techniques. Think of something you can smell, taste and look at colours. I also try snd imagine myself as someone else...i take myself away from 'me' and pretend I'm a non anxious happy person with a different name!!
Sounds crazy..but well i am i guess!! Haha.
Goid luck, keep chatting on here i find it helps...you aren't alone.
Sarah

[DustingMyselfOff]

Yup, know exactly how you feel, experience it all the time, and sadly, have experienced it for decades now. Don't let that discourage you, though, I have finally pretty much accepted that since I've had anxiety issues since a very young age and that I still have to battle it (in varying degrees of severity) that it's a part of who I am, that it will always be part of me, and I have to work with it, not against it. It's not going to go away - it's in my genes - it's who I am. Chemical imbalance or trauma during childhood? Who knows - I've stopped trying to figure it out because regardless of why I have chronic anxiety, I have it, and it's here to stay.

I loved to hear from one of the peopole who replied that they feel their anxiety is worse when they are on their days off. That is what I woke up struggling with this morning. It's Saturday, I don't have to go to the office, I can do WHATEVER I WANT, or do nothing at all if I so choose, so why am I sitting here "relaxing" and feeling so many anxiety symptoms that I had to take a tranquilizer? Part of me wonders if it's because I have the lack of the distractions and the time to notice them, and part of me wonders if there is something to be said for the fact that after a very stressful, busy week, our anxiety leaks out when we finally have the time to relax.

Yes, I have good reasons to be anxious, the holidays, gatherings over the next week I don't want to go to, scared that I will be sick or panicky for each one and might have to cancel and embarrass myself, etc. But I'm also on the verge of retiring or quitting my current job and have been tormented with that decision for almost a year. And now one of my new fears is: if I decide to take it easy for a few months or a year and do things I want to do, will my anxiety get worse? Will I turn into a couch potato or agoraphobic? Work drives me crazy, it's awful to go to a job you hate that is stressful and toxic, so I need out of there, and we could afford to have me "do nothing" for a few months (which I fantasize about) but will I then just dwell on anxiety?

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your post, but please know that you are not alone, and I agree with the poster who said "when I'm in a good place, I make all kinds of plans, but when the day arrives, or even a few days in advance, I work myself into such a state of anxiety that I am either physically ill, in a state of panic, and usually both. I either white-knuckle through the event or I stress over an appropriate excuse.
Sue

---------- Post added at 16:07 ---------- Previous post was at 14:21 ----------

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