I can't help but wonder why I'm human. Why am I in a physical form? What was I created for? Why am I not a spirit floating through time and space? What happens when I die? Is life on Earth just a game?

I feel like I lost all connection to humanity. I don't understand the point of existing and surviving. Why do humans want to exist? Why do we cooperate and feel empathy for each other? Why do we even care? Why act civilized ? Instead of just behaving like violent mindless beasts and just destroy each other. What is the point of things like love and happiness? Why do we get love and happiness just by existing? These questions fill my head 24/7 with no end in sight. I do nothing but sit and think all the time about these questions. I use to believe in a point of existing and morality. I considered myself a humanist. Not I see no point in interacting with others and life. I keep questioning everything about humans and why they act. I feel like an psychopath or alien observing animal behavior or something. I don't know if it is the DP just tricking me or something to think like this but I hate it and wish I could take the blue pill.

I feel like a monster.