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Thread: I died.

  1. #11

    Re: I died.

    Jordan Peterson is a Christian. Or at least believe in Christian values. I do not.

  2. #12
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    Re: I died.

    I still think you need to focus on the childhood trauma rather than philosophy or medicine. What you are describing is textbook trauma reaction.

  3. #13
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    Re: I died.

    [QUOTE]
    I tried reading philosophy over the past few days to find a counter argument but my mind accepts nothing because they can not explain why humans should find emotions meaningful in any way.
    As I said before, the answer isn't in philosophy, its out there in the real world. (I studied philosophy for a year at degree level, and it freaked me out and I've not touched it again. I was too sensitive to many of the themes contained in philosophy.) It is about opening your heart to experiences with real people and real situations.


    I'll copy and paste what I posted before, as I feel its relevant again....


    Eventually I found my peace in realising that I wouldn't know the answers to the big questions of life, and never would, I had no control over that stuff about 'the meaning of life' and the empty feeling I had could be filled with my own choices. I did have control over the meaning I gave my life, I could chose that myself. Without religion as a safety net ( and I genuinely mean this as no disrespect to anyone who has religion in their lives), I created my own set of values and aims. I could have impact in my actions, I could do things that improved life for others, I could be remembered by those around me. Love 'may' be pointless, but others seemed to like it so I would give it in return. Too many things to list here.....but you get the idea.

  4. #14

    Re: I died.

    Quote Originally Posted by ankietyjoe View Post
    I still think you need to focus on the childhood trauma rather than philosophy or medicine. What you are describing is textbook trauma reaction.
    I don't understand how childhood trauma can do this to me though. Other people deal with childhood trauma and they don't turn into philsophical nihilists.

  5. #15
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    Re: I died.

    Quote Originally Posted by Imhorrible72 View Post
    I don't understand how childhood trauma can do this to me though. Other people deal with childhood trauma and they don't turn into philsophical nihilists.
    Being a philosophical nihilist is a result of a symptom, not the symptom itself. You're trying to rationalise feelings that you had as a child that are now absent.

    Other peoples experiences are just that, there's. It's clear from your posts that you think about things deeply, and perhaps others don't so much.

  6. #16

    Re: I died.

    I'm still waiting for my therapist appointment but I don't know if I can make until then.


    So for the past 2 weeks I have done nothing but lay in bed and thought. And thought and thought. And yet more thinking. All of it philosophical in nature. About numerous topics ranging from utopia, morality, god, the soul, meaning of life, evolution, whether life is suffering, social darwinism, you name it, I have probably obsessed over it. My parents are worried about me but everytime they try to talk to me I push them away because they will never understand my line of thinking and reasoning. I only eat and use the bathroom when neccesary. Otherwise I laid there and I did nothing but thank to the point of feeling dizzy. My mind going from one concept to another.

    Recently I read two stories that really freaked me out and sent me reeling into thought. The first one is called The Egg by Andy Weir.

    The story is basically about how everyone is actually one soul in different bodies and everything about life is nothing but us hurting ourselves in life. The universe is an Egg and we will all become one singular god. This story scared the crap out of and made me convinced that is what the afterlife is going to be like. So many spirtual people something similar to be true and it scares me and now I feel like it is the truth. I kept thinking and analyzing about that line of thinking and came into fear that I have been enlightened. That I have seen the truth and there is no one else except me.

    And then there was a 2nd story called Talking to God that I read. This story is similar to the Egg and then talks about how humanity has to go through suffering and conflict and war in order to continue to evolve. And then when we reach peak evolution we will turn into a god. Stories like this scared me and have me thinking terrible thoughts like how war is good and we must suffer in order to advance ourselves. That Social Darwinism is the fastest way to advance ourselves. I tried reading counter arguments to these thoughts but I am convinced they are true.

    I feel so depersonlized right now and so dizzy. Anxiety nearly filled me the entire day and now I feel nothing but these thoughts in my head 24/7. I have lost my moral compass and now believe that suffering is a good thing in my head and humanity must suffer more. Im too tired to argue against it. I feel like I have become enlightned or something. Guys is there any truth to my thoughts? Or am I delusional and this is just the depersonlization talking. I don't know what to believe anymore.

  7. #17
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    Re: I died.

    You must get up, you must engage with people and the world. That is not engage in a 'looking up philosophy' type of way, it is...for the moment forgetting philosophy. As I said earlier on this thread, and others concurred, the answer to your questions is not online or in books - it is by creating your own value set by engaging with the real world.

  8. #18
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    Re: I'm no longer human.

    Hm...you know I was giving your earlier posts some thought yesterday because I enjoy the philosophical stuff like this (sorry, I know they are rough on you) and I thought up a similar thing on my own as your second book - which was that I wondered if the meaning of what we all are going through now is part of a journey so that down the road humanity achieves a higher level of consciousness. Maybe. Maybe not. I'm not totally buying it but it's an intriguing possibility.

    More likely the real answer to "the meaning of life" is that there is no right answer. Each of us has our own meaning, therefore no one can answer that for someone else.

    Anyway, Carys advice on what you can do is correct. I don't have this version of anxiety but the same advice applies to me and works - you gotta just get out there and do your thing, live life. Right now your mind is controlling you rather than you controlling your mind.

    Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using Tapatalk

  9. #19
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    Re: I died.

    Yes Carys is correct, you need to get out of bed and go smell the roses (so to speak).

    You are reading stories that are just that, stories. They are other people's interpretations of reality based on their own experiences in life, and there have been billions of other people who have lived entirely different lives with entirely different outlooks on life.

    Get out and look at some trees and squirrels, walk there, walk back.

  10. #20
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    Re: I died.

    Just some advice from someone who spent hours, days, months reading philosophy theories and stories like the egg these sent me in to a complete tailspin again believing they were true. I too grew up in a household with anger and was bullied. All that reading did was make me panic and disassociate which it sounds like is happening to you, you are reading and reading looking for an answer and more and more detaching from yourself, I think buried underneath all the research and blankness is an inner you that is probably very hurt and very afraid who wants answers for things, you are not inhuman, you are not an alien, you are someone who has got some self defence mechanisms that protect you from feeling and being vulnerable, I can’t say mine lasts as long as yours mine comes and goes but one thing that 100% makes it worse is when I start reading all these stories and philosophies, in my rational mind and when I’m well I don’t actually buy into all that, yes I personally have some kind of spiritual beliefs but things that sit right with me and my experience, I really hope the therapy helps you, but try to stop reading too much, I had to force myself to stop as it became addictive and I was ignoring life it was not healthy.

    Best of luck to you
    __________________
    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be?”

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