Contacting an old therapist

[Dying_Swan]

Hello, and sorry for this slightly unusual question.

I was just wondering what you think:

About 3 years ago I had some therapy with someone I really got on with. It was only for about 3 months because she then moved to Australia. A friend of a friend of mine knows her, and so I did a google search. She's moved back to the U.K and I was thinking of emailing just to say hello and thank her.

Is that a nice idea or is it just a bit odd?

I've had a few 'issues' with getting attached to therapists. Whilst I'm not a stalker (!) I wonder if this 'wanting to say hi' is just an old attachment talking, and maybe it's a bad idea.

While we're on the subject, who here has had difficulties with attachments to therapists? Just curious it's a subject I find fascinating because it's so complex.

Thanks in advance

[jo61]

I don't think she'd see it as odd. Welcoming someone back and saying thank you isn't stalking. You can always say it in the email that you just want to touch base and say hello, while thanking her for all her help. Don't think there's anything wrong with that.

[BarbedSpirit]

A thank you card to her place of work might be nice with an update on how your doing.
Barbedspirit

[JulieAs45]

I dont think that would be odd at all SWAN, I think there's nothing wrong with just dropping a line saying hi, this is what ive been up to and thanx for help getting me there etc. I think she would be pleased to hear from you and that you are doing well.

I dont think ive had any personal attachments to my past therapists, although they have on the most part been really good and helped loads, however I was quite attached to my gynaecologist but hey thats a story for another time!

Take care CBAL!
Julie

[Dying_Swan]

Thanks for your replies folks

I will drop her that line then

CBAL Xxx

[happyone]

Hi,

I have an attachment to my therapist. I am going to have to disagree with the others and say I think it might be a bit much (you don't need to listen to me....you just asked for opinions )

I am speaking from a personal point of view in as much as if it was me wanting to get in touch with my therapist, it would definately be an old attachment talking. That is however, not to say it would be the same for you. Ask yourself, are you hoping to receive some communication back from her? Will it hurt if you don't receive that?

I don't know how strong your attachment was and how long you took to get over her moving away. That might be an indicator of how appropriate it would be. I genuinely for a short time thought I was attracted to my therapist, which in turn meant I thought I was gay! (married two kids ) I now realise I am not but the thought of never seeing her again, which I know will happen one day, is really painful. I have never spoken of my attachment (or transference) feelings towards her, with her, but I think she knows. When I thank her for support and stuff, she will say things like
'thats ok, thats what we are here for' I suppose to clarify she is part of a team. or
'that's my job' just in case I thought she was being nice only to me!

If you do drop her a line, I would make it at her place of work and make it clear that it was someone you know who had said she worked there, rather than having found her as a result of a google search

Happyone
xx

[Dying_Swan]

Hey Happy - thanks for your reply I do wish I'd read it a bit sooner, as I sent the email a few hours ago!

I totally relate to what you said (thinking you might be gay etc etc). It's such a complicated thing and it's so hard to explain.

So I sent the email - said very little really, just that I felt I hadn't thanked her properly at the time and wanted to do it now. It was her work email, and I just said 'I think you know a friend of a friend, and I found your website'! The fact that it is bothering me so much probably does mean that some sort of attachment was talking! Oh well....no use crying over spilt milk and all that...

Just after she moved away, I had two quite major catastrophes in my life and then developed agoraphobia etc. I think I really suffered from the fact that she'd gone and so I couldn't tell her about it. Basically, when I was seeing her, I was having trouble with 2 people - a flatmate, and my step-mum. She knew all about them both because they'd been causing me a lot of stress, independently of each other. Literally 2 weeks after she left, they both died, a few days apart. It was the strangest and most numbing experience of my life, because despite the problems, they were both very important. I wanted to talk to her so much but obviously couldn't. So I guess, I wanted a little 'closure' really. That wont ever happen now - it's too long ago. Maybe I just want her to remember me. I really don't know!

I would like to hear back from her but only if it's nice! Mainly so that I know she doesn't think I'm a fruitcake!

I never spoke about the 'transference' either. I was far too 'ard to admit I had any emotions about anything. I think I might have given the game away when my eyes filled with tears as she told me she was leaving I gave her a card and then stormed out. lol.

Sorry for all this......it's dredging up some really mixed up stuff from my past!

Hope things are better now Happy? xx

[Dying_Swan]

I got an email back

Very friendly, didn't seem bothered in the slightest

[JulieAs45]

That's great news SWAN, hope you feel better for it. Now you are officially a CBAL!! Well done you!

[Dying_Swan]

Lmao!

CBAL by name, CBAL by nature ....

xxx