Nice enough life & anxiety ruining it

[saunaboy1975]

Hi everyone,

On the surface...good job (engineer), great car, nice house & great wife.

Under the surface I'm in such a mess. Few weeks off work with stress this year that were a long tine coming. I'm doing well at work but terrified of much of it. Big responsible job but at the end of the day I'm the small town boy i always was. Work been tough since. I'm a dept manager & it sucks energy...a stream of complaints & gripes and I'm not allowed any.

Wife packed job in, leaving me as only earner. She works but is self employed (read: earns pretty much nothing).

Was looking forward to a restful Christmas & I've found an obviously quite harmless lump in mouth. Since then I've had pains all over jaw & mouth. Clearly cancer if you belive Google.

I had this a few years back. I suffer from some minor soft tissue dysfunction so i get random tendinitis etc but with no real diagnosable damage. That turned into life limiting disability....apart from it wasn't.

I'm seeing a counsellor but can't seem to shift this. It's like I've got a constant drain of energy that means every so often a self destruct button gets pushed. I'm right there now.

If anyone out there that suffers the same then I'd be glad fir any advice. Late 40s fairly 'tough' guy on the exterior but in reality I'm a bloody mess.

[Lissa101]

I think you'll find lots of people on here who can relate. It's a lot of pressure being the primary earner, particularly in a high-stress job. My advice would be to have a serious think about whether you can make some lifestyle changes. Perhaps it's time to tell your wife how you're feeling too? It sounds like you're not having much fun or enjoyment at the moment either. Are there any hobbies or goals that would give you something to look forward too and take your mind off the daily grind? x

[saunaboy1975]

Can't remember the last time i had 'fun'. I do stuff but often just because I feel I should be doing stuff. Hadn't realised I was unhappy until my counsellor challenged me to recall last time I was genuinely happy.

[ankietyjoe]

Perhaps your measurement of a good life is skewed?

Having a nice car and big house has got nothing to do with being happy. Your job seems to be the thing that's the problem, so are those things worth it? If your wife went self employed, perhaps you need to re-evaluate what you do as well. There's no point in having large financial commitments if the thing you do to meet those commitments if robbing you of any kind of happiness.

[Bittersweet05]

I truly think it is a combination of stress at work and home. My job stressful and put lots of hours in. My husband job of 32 years closed with no warning. Now as of next week i will be the own income. Also he needs to Have knee replacement on left and ankle replacement on right. The stress of work and the lack of other income getting to me. Now more medical bills. I truly understand. I had swollen gland for almost 2 months. Finally went down but still worried. It is never ending.