I am posting NMP after some time away. I have taken more time off my work after an abortive attempt to return to my Ship as i am in the Merchant Navy as a deckhand and going on board a ship for 4 weeks whilst i am suffering from anxiety and stress is too much for me. My employers are trying to understand but the more time off i take and letting them down at the last moment must be frustrating them as it is me.
I was diagnosed with GAD and various other anxieties about 10 years ago and i take 40 mg Citalopram and sometimes Zopiclone and Propranolol.
I worked up until November knowing i was struggling with anxiety ,insomnia and sore shoulders and back which can be debilitating. I also can be irritable, impatient and have poor concentration especially with paperwork and bureaucracy which seems to be increasing in this industry every month.
I am fine with the risks i take in my job with storms and working with heavy machinery and i thoroughly enjoy some aspects of my job and i realise that my anxiety problems are not entirely caused by my occupation but many other areas which are probably too numerous to mention. My job seem to be one of my main triggers for anxiety and i am working through CBT and Mindfulness to try and understand the reasons for this.
I have tried several times to change career but because of my background and financially i have went back to working on Ships in the oil industry and i have the problem as well that i struggle with change in my life both at work and in my home life. Anyway i am tired of all the upheaval and explaining myself to family and friends who always say they thought i was doing well and then are disappointed when I am not.
I don't know where i am going with this but it helps sometimes to write my thoughts down.
Robert
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