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Thread: Please help :( long post

  1. #1

    Please help :( long post

    Can someone please help...

    Throughout my life I have always been a worrier I got to the point when I was younger I wouldn’t watch certain programmes I.e casualty cause I’d look at my mum and dad and be like I don’t want them to die.

    Then I got to the stage of panicking at the age of 16 that I was dying my heart would race and I felt faint like I was going to pass out.

    Since then my anxiety has been more towards “health”.

    When i was 19 I stayed at my mums house for a week cause my anxiety was so bad and my mum said your going to have to go home at some point, my dad drove me back to my house and i cried all the way home I felt scared and I stayed at his house that night I couldn’t get to sleep I knocked on his bedroom door and my heart was racing and my legs felt like jelly I was determined this was it I told my dad I’m dying. That’s what the anxiety made me feel like.

    After that I got back on the medication , I’d ring up a taxi to come get me three times a week cause I’d wake up and my heart would race and I thought I was dying.

    I’ve been doctors numerous times with thinking things are wrong to do with health and fingers crossed everything so far has come back fine.

    I’ve got the stage of questioning myself what if I’m putting my symptoms down to anxiety but it’s cause I think it is but it actually ain’t (that’s Maybe an anxiety thing as well)

    My anxiety comes and goes imnnot on medication at the minute but I need to go back and get onto something.

    I can’t watch the news or watch something to do with a&e on the tv as it scares me, I’ve even got to the stage where there’s only certain doctors I will see incase the other ones don’t understand my anxiety and scare me with what they have to say.

    I’ve been in doctors over:-

    Brain tumours - I told my doctor I’ve been getting headaches and like stories I’ve read on here the doctors have said you won’t have a brain tumour , he made me do some exercises and said I’d know if you have but how does he ? Am I questioning it because of my anxiety.

    Skin cancer - because I found out someone I knew had it
    Lmyth notes
    Cysts
    Cervical cancer

    The list can go on and I’ve been in about it ....


    Every time I do something I can’t stop questioning myself why did I do that and then replaying it in my head and can’t get it out of my head.

    The other day I got my fake eyelashes took off and they have to put solution on your eyes with your eyes closed well some got into my eye I felt like crying I was too scared to open my eye incase I couldn’t see ever again.

    I’m always symptom checking and searching my body for new things or if something looks different

    The more I think about something the more the symptoms come and then I wonder is it because I have something wrong or Is it cause I’m thinking about it

    Whatever’s in my mind when I go sleep I end up dreaming about it then I wake up and wonder because I’ve dreamt of it does that mean il get it ...

    My newest symptoms are

    Dizziness/ Blurred vision - both of them only happened the once (the day it happened I had nothing to eat , drove two hours , got inside the place and was constantly looking round thinking people starring at me so think it set my anxiety off and that happened but then what if I’m just blaiming my anxiety and it’s not it’s something else then I’m scared to write that incase something thinks it is something else and then scares me ��

    Lump feeling in the throat

    Sometimes I’m too scared of everything and the only time it feels better is when I speak to someone who can reassure me and say yes I get that as well.

    Every year that goes by it scares me even more incase I don’t make it to my birthday

    Its like it’s made me feel scared of myself

    I don’t want to book holidays incase I won’t be here for it
    Last edited by loverblesarah; 13-01-19 at 23:24.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Posts
    73

    Re: Please help :( long post

    Hi there..I've just come across your post and wanted to give you some reassurance and even a virtual hug. You sound very much like myself. I've been living with this latest bout of HA for nearly 2 years and I'm exhausted with it. Like you I can almost jump from illness to illness with multiple symptoms that are very real and very frightening. Unlike you I haven't been to my doctors with all of my worries as my fear at the moment supersedes everything. I have CBT books and methods that I work through but sometimes I just want someone to tell me it's ok. When I'm busy my symptoms aren't as prominent. When I have time to (over) think my symptoms are plentiful!. I'm also a body checker. I will poke, prod, compare until I'm convinced something is drastically wrong. To get to the end of a very long point, I just wanted to say that your health anxiety can and does make you feel terrible. But you can and will beat it. It takes time, self love, relapses, more time and more self love. I have 4 beautiful girls, a wonderful partner and I am missing out on them because I don't allow myself to be happy.
    You're not alone and if you want to PM me just to chat please feel free.
    Take care of yourself

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