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Thread: Struggling with Depression due to Medical Issues (Venting/ advice needed)

  1. #1

    Struggling with Depression due to Medical Issues (Venting/ advice needed)

    Hello Everyone.

    Be warned. A very long post of my anxiety/ issues.

    I feel many people do not seem to understand the impact anxiety and depression has on me and it is getting to the point where the doctors do not know what to do to help me. I have not responded well to any of the medications they have tried (I get all the side effects and they turn me into a crazy person) and I have been trying to seek a therapist for advice; however, nobody will return my calls or gets back to me. I am often put on "waiting lists" although that often seems like a dead end as well (going on 2 years now). I even tried working with an online therapist only to "not have one available" when trying to initiate contact.

    I feel like I suffer from Depression (not diagnosed). While I do not feel like my self-worth/ esteem is directly affected, I do constantly feel lonely/sad and wish to have companionship in my life and have someone special to share memories with. The holidays are by far the worse for me. I see some friends with families and wish so bad to have that. I have stopped going to certain social events that involve all couples due to the fact it makes me feel so sad and lonely at the end of the day (I'm the only single one in my group of coworkers/ friends and now it's pretty much all couples), I just can't help but feel so down about it.

    I know a lot of the depression is stemming from the following...

    I found out about five or so years ago I have a blood clotting disorder; and was told by doctors that if I ever were to want children, due to my risk factors/ family history, I should do it sooner rather than later (concerns after the age of 35 were addressed and I was advised to start family planning soon if this is something I want). Obviously, this is something I have wanted my whole life. I feel like I am up against a clock now to find "someone special" which really isn't something you can force or put a time frame on. This has been an ongoing discussion with my doctor who has been very confident and supportive of medical advances and my case- yet I still find myself thinking about this every day.

    Will I find someone in time? How do I even tell someone about this medical problem if I do get close to them? What if I don't find someone? Has anyone else been up against the clock on something like this?

    I tried addressing it with my family. They only seem to make it worse by telling me "how sorry they feel for me" and I feel like they just amplify the sadness. They tell me how there are procedures now and I don't "need" a husband/guy to start or have a family- I could get a donor. While I know this is an option (it's my last resort), I want someone to deeply and truly care about me and I want to share that special bond with someone. This has been a huge depression factor for me lately and it's a sensitive one as well.

    I'm 28 years old, I'm a hard worker who's pretty smart with my money and my goals (going to buy a house soon)- my whole life is pretty much my career and becoming stable, I guess you could say. I have tried dating- with no success. I made some good friends along the way, but not exactly what I'm looking for. I know I am a very talkative, friendly person which can be intimidating for many people. I struggle also intimately "clicking" with people as well, and those few I do often "click" with are unavailable, which I respect. I'd honestly rather be alone than using someone for companionship simply because I want someone. It's not my style and it's not morally right to me.

    To top off my struggles with this depression, I also have massive college loans other medical issues as well which have been impacting everything- and I feel like there is always something going on. While I am being diligent with following up on those other issues with all my specialists (dental/ jaw issues, back/shoulder issues going to PT, migraines, etc), I feel like I can never get ahead. Not to mention, the medical bills only seem to pile up and I feel like I am always in pain with something. I manage though.

    I also have severe anxiety with health and other things. And I'm sure the anxiety is making everything worse.

    I went through a minor depression in 2008 due to a failed relationship and I know the journal helped me a lot. I know I have come so far from where I was; however, I feel like I'm on a crunch against the clock with certain things and I feel stuck. I find myself every day wondering how can I cope with this. I try to distract myself with lots of hobbies which is ok, but every night when I try to sleep it all floods back. I also don't sleep much due to not being able to turn off the thoughts. I find myself waking up in the morning with dried tears on my face as well, or just waking up crying.

    Has anybody else gone through similar things? What do you do to cope/ feel better? I feel like I keep creating all these hobbies to mask how I really feel and I'm not really sure this is healthy to do. I am trying to go out and meet new people and spend time around those who make me happy, but I feel like once they leave- all of this sadness comes back. I cannot avoid certain situations forever, but I don't know how to handle them and still keep my mind in one piece without breaking down crying. I'd like to be able to attend a party again where there are all couples and be ok with it- without avoiding it or going into the bathroom breaking down.

    Any advice would be awesome. Or if you had a similar experience(s), I'd love to hear it! I appreciate and thank everyone who reads my post. This is something I have kept hush-hush for years only bringing it up to those closest to me, and I felt this would be the best place to just let it all out and hopefully get some advice

    Thank you,

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
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    Re: Struggling with Depression due to Medical Issues (Venting/ advice needed)

    Hi,
    I'm glad you're here and you decided to post, I find that the act in itself is very helpful sometimes.
    I can relate to the heartache of waiting for a significant other, I think I was about 27 when I met my now husband and I know how hard it is to be alone when you really want someone to share your life with.

    Unfortunately I don't have any advice for you because it seems like you're doing everything that I would suggest. It's really frustrating therapists haven't been available for you.

    As for the hobbies, I think that it's good to have them and I wouldn't worry about them being an unhealthy distraction because you seem like you are aware of your thoughts and emotions, rather than suppressing them.

    Anyway I just wanted to reply to let you know that someone is listening, although you may have lots of viewings of your post don't be disheartened if people don't reply. Sometimes it simply a case of not knowing what to say.
    Best wishes
    Vicky

  3. #3

    Re: Struggling with Depression due to Medical Issues (Venting/ advice needed)

    I previously had generalised anxiety disorder which would rotate with depression. I used sertraline and managed work etc pretty well.

    I’ve been off meds for approx 5 years and totally well.

    I then had an unexpected unplanned pregnancy which turned into an ectopic which is a health issue. Cue living for 8 weeks not knowing if I was having chemo or surgery based on 48hrs tests. I also learnt I have ill placed fibroids and minimally a 1-10 chance of this happening again.

    I’m in a long distance ‘relationship’ but it’s not a partnership. I didn’t think I wanted kids, now I think I might but I’m 33 and diving from something which works for me okay into something that may never work for me - who can guarenteed finding the one and the one who wants to have kids etc.

    Anyhow living off anxiety for the 8 weeks of intensive monitoring every other day at the hospital and then a few surrounding stressful events plus a bereavement a couple of months before and I’m back in depression. It feels weird bc it’s unfamiliar as I’ve not had this type for maybe 13 yrs so thought it had gone but it’s also familiar. Walking through treacle. A disconnect. Wanting to stay home. Before it was panic and anxiety about health but that burnt out into overwhelm based on SO many issues to resolve including changing my job when the market I work in has been cut to ribbons so facing possibly having to change my route altogether.

    It’s kinda like saying to a mechanic hey now you can be a healthcare worker. It’s doable but it’s anxiety provoking and I fear I’m not capable.

    All that with fertility issues, ongoing pains which make me worried that further BS is happening in my women’s bits and a Not The One but a loved person relationship that isn’t fulfilling.

    I know the depression started circumstantial - normal reactions to abnormal levels of stress but now the depression has taken over.

    Not sure how this started - but I guess I understand the fertility anxiety and the health anxiety too


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