Just posting here to vent really. I'm so fed up. I've battled anxiety for 9 years with things becoming particularly bad in the last year. I went off sick in June 2018 from anxiety, managed to get a bit better and return to work Sept 2018. Then I was struggling but still managed to carry on working until Dec 2018 where it all became too much and I went sick again.

I had a work meeting yesterday to discuss my ongoing absence where they basically told me it's the second long term sickness and they can't continue to keep my post open for me unless I'm coming back in the next few weeks, which is unlikely considering the severity of my anxiety right now. HR are involved and have mentioned redeployment to me which they said might not be a good option considering I have agoraphobia (fair enough).

I'm getting referred to occupational health. If they say redeployment isn't suitable which isn't going to be for me (my issue isn't the job role, a change in role isn't going to help) then I'm going to get dismissed.

I've run out of sick pay, I basically have no job to go back into because they can't support me being off sick for any longer than I've taken and I'm dealing with this horrific problem.

I honestly do not know whether to let them dismiss me or just hand in my resignation because I know exactly where this is going and feel it would look better if I made the decision to leave rather than be sacked.

Another thing that sucks is I've been working solidly for 10 years. This is the first time I am going to be without a job with no idea what the future holds or having to worry about income. I've been seeing therapists and paying for them privately in hope they'd help me but no joy as of yet. I'm in a long distance relationship and I now can't really afford to pay for the travel or accommodation to visit my boyfriend, and I couldn't really see him anyway because of agoraphobia. Me being off work is going to soon eat into my savings and my future seems further and further away. I've been saving hard to move out and now I have no income it's all going to go!!!

I feel so down right now, can't stop crying about how this has all played out. Just needed to write it all down and get it out lol