Hi this is my first post on here, Sorry if it's a bit shaky. I was diagnosed with panic disorder and social anxiety at the age of 15, seemed to deal with it pretty well managed to go on holidays and to festivals, would go places on my own (just not be very social) however the last couple of years this has manifested into Agarophobia. I can't leave the house on my own I relied on my mum and boyfriend to drive me everywhere, however when I got places I would just have to leave again. I have a strange symptom where my legs go numb and my eyes go foggy which makes me panic even more. This has led to me not being able to get a job and had to leave university in a prisoner in my own home at this point.

I've tried online CBT with a therapist and didn't find it very useful, was prescribed citalopram but didn't take it as it's an antidepressant and I'm not depressed so it seemed pointless.

My boyfriend is currently studying at a university in New York for a year and has been begging for me to go across and see him as he's feeling quite lonely, his parents even offered to pay for me but how can I go when I can't even leave the house on my own? I feel so guilty and I'm not quite sure why he's still with me, anyone else would jump at the chance but there is physically no way I could do it.

Just feeling very lost at the moment, I'm only 21 but I feel like CBT is just useless for me and I don't want to have to take antidepressants since I'm not depressed.