Have you left a job due to your depression/anxiety?

[motox&mascara]

hi all

so its been a long time since i posted here. used to lurk on the HA board but try to stay away from that now as its a trigger for me.

anyway, i was just wondering if anyone else has resigned from their job because of their mental health?

this might be a long one so bear with me...

i lost my partner a few months ago to suicide, and i was the one that found him. i took three weeks off work and then decided that i needed to get some routine back. little did i know, the shock hadn’t worn off yet. as the shock started to lift, i started feeling sick before work, my panic attacks started coming back and my health anxiety flared back up (all of this disappeared the couple of months following my partners passing). i was (and still am) struggling to even drive the car.
so just last week i was called into a meeting to ask i was stable enough to be working full time because id been getting short with people in the office, especially my manager and taking days off at important times. i put on my normal show acting like i was totally fine and just having a couple of rough days. well, that weekend the depression hit me like a train. i was tired, angry, i felt like i was useless and everyone hated me, i couldnt stop crying and i seriously considered ending it myself so i didnt have to deal with the pain or burden anyone anymore. the following monday, after a long discussion with family i decided my bosses were right and i made the tough decision to resign from my job to focus on getting better because i couldnt do that while working full time. i loved what i did, but i have totally lost interest in it, i hate being there, i despise my manager and i count the hours until i can go home as well as dealing with panic attacks throughout the day while im there. i feel scared as i dont have another job lined up but i know i need to take some time to grieve properly, steady out on my meds (just started back on escitalopram) and work on getting my head right. pretty sure im suffering from PTSD from finding him, and delayed grief?
i should mention i do have support - have trauma therapy (which my free sessions have just run out but im sorting more), medication and support from my gp and family.

the thing is i worry that its just the depression that made me make such a life changing decision and il end up regretting it (its to late now). i feel like ive lost even more of a part of myself and that i will be judged on not having a job. the status i had is now gone. the depression tells me im a loser and il never find another job like that, il never make that kind of money again and il be lonely forever because no man will want a nearly 30 year old with no career behind her already. but at the same time the real me thats not clouded by depression knows stepping back from work, getting better and staying alive is more important than money - lets be honest, i pretty much only stayed there for the money in the end.

while im off work i plan to get back in the gym and go back to study law (something i always wanted to do and was good at, but always made excuses not to pursue). i’ve also started dancing again (pole - something i always wanted to do but wasn’t allowed to do when my partner was alive because “it was slutty”).

anyway, TLDR; has anyone else resigned from their job to take time to work on their mental health and was it worth it for you? As scary as it is for me, i feel like it could give me the opportunity for a real fresh start and the chance to grow into a better person. I do plan on going back to work a new job eventually but for now I need to kick depressions ass!

thanks for reading!

[Midnight-mouse]

Gosh where to start here,

Firstly I’m sorry for your loss that must be incredibly difficult. I think you were very brave for trying to work as much as you did.

In answer to your question, yes I left employment because of my mental health. If I didn’t walk away when I did I would of killed myself. I’m forever thankful for the support that I had/have that meant that I could give myself permission to leave and that it’s okay that I was not coping at all.

You have been through a lot, healing takes so much even for those without pre-existing conditions, please give yourself permission to take this time, it’s perfectly fine to put your needs first and right now you need time away from work. Depression says many things, especially at times like this but frankly you are strong for walking away when you needed to, by doing that you are taking care of yourself. It’s such a hard task to face, definitely not something that someone ‘not worthy’ or ‘useless’ can do (just picked some of my depressions favourite words for me)

I’m actually not planning to return to traditional employment (I left two years ago because of panic attacks and depression), I’m using this time to gain as much ground with my illnesses as possible and build up the skills I need to become self employed doing the things I love. Taking the time to refocus my life in a direction that I want has truly made fighting through all of the things we face more rewarding and gives me hope.

I truly hope that you are able to work towards your goals too and I think changing track and going back to school is an amazing idea, just don’t rush into it before you are healed and ready. Make sure you have good support for that time as the change can make our progress more difficult to see when wants such as change and ambition come in to play.

Positive vibes,

Mouse.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[purplepie]

Firstly, I am so sorry for your loss and the traumatic experience you have been through, it is huge. I think that you have done a courageous thing, I also think you have done the right thing. Your health and healing is far more important than a job. I know that we need money to pay bills but I try my hardest to trust that the universe will bring you what you need to get by while you figure out where your passion lies.

I can completely empathise with your situation. 2.5 years ago I lost my Sister to a sudden death with lots of traumatic circumstances around it, denial and shock and being strong for my parents set into my subconscious and I thought I was doing ok, well I am now going through complicated/delayed grief and am currently signed off work with anxiety depression. I am unsure if I want to go back to regular employment, I would love to work for myself but don't always have the faith in my abilities because of my mental health (in my part time employment, I am getting sick pay at the mo) and wonder how I would get by if I weren't well.

7 Years ago I had another really bad time and left a job because I wasn't well, I started again from scratch after going through months of agitated depression and started cleaning part time and I went back to college and ended up doing a degree, so I am all for adult learning - just make it a subject you love and not one you think you should do.

What I have done however is try to put myself back into a status that I had, I work 2 part time jobs and some after work stuff and I have been doing too much on top of losing my Sister, I thought I was 'cured' of my old mental health problems, but what I have realised now is that I am pre disposed to it and working on acceptance and looking at what I can do to pace my work life balance and not fall back into this horrible anxious head place again. It is hard as I am checking in with myself all the time about how I feel and as soon as I have a faint feel or dizzy moment, I freak out and think I am going to get a full blown panic disorder like I lived with over 7 years ago.

Like Midnight mouse, I send positive support to you for healing and moving forward. Keep posting as we are on a similar path and support on this site as been invaluable to me over the years. I hope it will be for you. xx

[Tyke]

Hi Motox&mascara
Yes, I have left a job due to depression and anxiety. More than once in fact. I'm not proud of it and wish I'd been made of tougher stuff, however I am what I am and have used the time to grow stronger mentally and to find something more suitable. Some people have had really tough lives that have affected them and it's taken society an awful long time to take this into account. I also have a personal experience of a close family suicide, so I understand that entirely.

You can improve yourself after leaving employment and there are plenty of voluntary opportunities, training etc, to give you work experience or new skills. I now work back in paid employment with more understanding colleagues than before, even though the work itself is really tough some days, I'm better off than I was before.

[EmmerLooeez]

I'm so sorry for what you have been through. Nobody should have to bare it, I'm very glad that you're receiving therapy etc and I hope that it helps you. It's cliche, but time will also help with grief, although the trauma needs therapy to process.

Don't hold guilt about your job. You are a victim of circumstance. There are no 'right' or 'wrong' decisions, just decisions. You made the decision to put yourself and your mental health first and that is absolutely the right thing to do. Look back at your job with fondness and acknowledge that it's a shame that it didn't work out, but don't carry guilt. You put you first and you had to if you wanted to regain your health. When you're well who knows what opportunities lay ahead?

Keep going to therapy, leaning on your support network and keep trying. If you feel at a loss with yourself then perhaps you could find volunteer opportunities?

Sending love xxxxx

[purplepie]

How are you doing motox&mascara? I am still struggling and not in work. Its a daily battle to cope at the moment.

[Fishmanpa]

My daughter left school for a semester as well as a couple jobs since due to her anxiety and depression. Fortunately, her therapy and meds helped her in being able to make an informed decision based on her mental health. In each case, she was aware of what was happening and took actions to correct it. Recently she left full time position, took a little time off to get herself together and is now a full time substitute teacher (K-3). She's doing well and continuing with therapy.

Positive thoughts