So, I had jaw surgery about 2 and a half months ago. I had bad bouts of OCD leading up to the surgery, and now afterwards, it's taken on this new form. Long story short, it was a revision surgery, and my therapist has pointed out that I basically am dealing with PTSD. It's what set my OCD into overdrive. Having to go through a pretty brutal surgery for a second time sent me into a spiral. My OCD has manifested itself currently with the obsession that I am going to or have already run into a door... all day long, any door. Doors make me nervous: my front door, kitchen cabinet doors, bathroom cabinet doors, the refrigerator door, the doors to my washer and dryer, my car door... I'm constantly plagued with the worry that I'm going to get hit in the face and re-brake my bones and knock all the plates and screws holding everything together loose OR the worry that I already have and I'm just not remembering it correctly or in some dissociative state or because I was in a big hurry, I didn't stop and panic when I hit myself, only to start thinking about it and panicking later. For example, today, at the dry cleaners, as I was opening the glass entrance door, I looked back at my parked car. I immediately stopped and worried, "gosh, that door got close to my face. Did I just hit myself in the face? Hmmm.... my face feels a little funny. That must be because I hit myself in the face, but I was too embarrassed to do anything about it with the dry cleaning people watching me..." and then later today, I worried that the elevator door had hit me in the face... a little easier to get past that one since that's pretty impossible. I'm constantly checking to see how far away I am from doors, or I'll go back and retrace my steps to make sure there's no way I could have walked into a door wherever I am.

It's not just doors, even though that is my main/most overwhelming concern. I'm also extremely aware of where my knees are in relation to my face at all times now. Mainly because I'm so worried I'm going to knee myself in the face, either while putting on socks or shoes... like I'll bring my knee up too far and/or bend over into my knee and knock my lower jaw and chin out of place. That is what I'm currently worried about after putting on my socks tonight after my shower. I just can't shake it because I feel so unsure about whether or not I hit myself in the face with my knee. I'm sure that just sounds bizarre... like duh would know, but I just DON'T. My face is still numb in some areas, so I just don't trust that I'd feel the full force, and I'm just going to miss it.