How do you keep a grasp on reality and maintain some semblance of self-control and calm when waiting for the next steps of a health investigation to occur? Because I'm doing a rubbish job at it.

I've got the following:

Lower abdominal/pelvic pain - burning, stabbing sharp sensations. Some days more than others. Mostly left side, sometimes on the right to a lesser extent and, infrequently, just above the pelvic bone. Referral to gynaecologist on 10 April. Nurse practitioner querying endometriosis. Lower abdominal scan (not transvaginal however) of ovaries done 2 years ago (almost exactly) & was clear, smear was also clear at that time.

Back pain, predominantly on my leg hand side and goes into my buttock and hip. Some, to a lesser degree, on right hand side. Querying SI joint issues. Sometimes the nerve pain extends to the rectum (particularly concerning). A number of years of back pain, progressively worse, never scanned etc despite repeated visits to the doctor - never even touched until last week! Referred May to Rheumatologist regarding my back - waited 6 months for a 7-minute appointment where diagnosed fibromyalgia. Going to physiotherapy tomorrow and being referred back to rheumatology, albeit a different trust, for a second opinion.

Rectal discomfort, as above, constipation (sometimes diarrhoea, depending on trigger foods). A couple of week ago I experienced horrendous rectal pain and pressure that left me unable to walk - I had to lie on the floor and wait it out for a few minutes. NP has requested FOTB.

Full body MRI also being ordered by NP given variety of symptoms and my concerns. Also doing FBC and a few others.

I should add that I'm on 10mg buprenorphine transdermal patches so I'm particularly concerned at feeling the pain through those. Experiencing stomach issues which, I believe (hope), are related to the anxiety - gastritis, lack of appetite etc.

So, currently, I'm petrified of ovarian, cervical, bowel and some form of spinal cancer. April feels so far away and I'm not holding out hope that the MRI scan will be any time soon. I'm so afraid of having these tests (that I've been wanting for so long!) and it actually showing something nefarious.

We're not going through an easy time at the moment - 2 family deaths, 1 impending and my stepfather has lung cancer that isn't responding to treatment. I've started back on Citalopram and self-referred to CBT but it feels like every moment is such hard work - like swimming through jelly - and I'm trying my best to keep my head above the water but sinking quickly.