Abnormal cells diary...
Nobody has to reply but I'm so very worried about my latest tests that I would like an outlet. I don't want to talk to people about it as I am worried of annoying people and can't seem to take their reassurances on board for very long. I've not been this anxious over anything since I was a teenager.
I have a history of abnormal cells, starting from age 19. The cells have been with me for 9 years now. Starting at borderline and making their way to mild and then high grade moderate. I fell pregnant before treatment and at my postnatal smear I had a normal result. I feel that this was wrong and my nurse suspects as much although it's not worth the audit to see.
I had a smear test last year following concerning symptoms. Bleeding after sex, in-between periods, irregular periods and longer bleeding with a change in blood colour and texture. The nurse did my smear and then said she would like to her a doctor to take a look at my cervix. She called the doctor in and between them were talking about the appearance of my cervix and the bleeding that the smear induced. She said it was probably a cervical ectropion. They decided to fast-track me to the Colposcopy clinic and the screen said 'suspected gynaelogical cancer'
The GYN took an endometrial biopsy that was normal, I also had a transvaginal scan to check uterus and ovaries. Nothing to worry about except a small fibroid and an ovarian cyst. He didn't think these were related to my symptoms. He said that he would biopsy my cervix following my smear results.
The nurse that took my smear didn't fill the specimen pot in and so it couldn't be sent for testing. I had been called back to the GYN clinic and for a smear (after waiting 3 months to allow the cells to settle) but I delayed it for 9 months due to a bad time with PTSD. OFC I'm kicking myself for it now but there's no point in beating myself up.
I went back for my smear in December and the results arrived after 3 weeks - 'high grade dyskarosis (moderate)'. I was scheduled in for a Colposcopy which I had to delay due to a long period. They rearranged it for a fortnight later.
I went and the doctor said most of my cells were abnormal but some were really abnormal. He examined me and showed me my cervix on a screen. It was red and bumpy with acetowhite areas following the application of acetic acid. He did a loop excision there and then which was traumatic in itself!!!
I laid in the chair with my vagina at eye level to this male doctor, in and out of dissociation. My ears kept ringing and I was holding my best friends hand. Then they injected my cervix four times with anaesthetic and adrenaline (latter to lessen the bleeding apparently), so my heart went crazy and my legs went weird. It was horrid. I didn't feel the procedure apart from pelvic pressure and the room filled with the smell of burning flesh.
Afterwards questions kept coming to me but I was pretty dissociated and the only thing I asked him is 'Did it look CIN 2?' to which he said did that little horizontal wave thing with his hand and said '2-3'. I've never had CIN 3 before. The stage before cancer. I've read it's impossible to differentiate between colposcopically and that only the histology will tell. Also to note is that my highest grade area seemed to be next to the os, within my ectropion, so I'm anticipating a diagnosis of high grade CGIN and CIN 3. If not worse. I hope it's not worse.
The doctor said he would write to me within four weeks with results and then I'd go back to 6 monthly smears. Afterwards he said "I'll write to you and we will take it from there".
I'm a member of the Jostrust forum (which is amazing btw for anyone going through similar) and what seems to happen is that good results (i.e. a abnormalities excised with clear margins) arrive between 3&4 weeks. Bad results (CGIN, unclear margins or malignancy) arrive sooner. Some people have received a phonecall on day 9 or 10 post-LLETZ, some have received a letter 10-21 says post-LLETZ to come and 'discuss results'. I am on day 6 tomorrow and are anxiously counting down to day 14, when I hope that I can breathe a little.
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