Long time lurker, first time poster here.
A bit of background about myself before I get into the reason for my post. For as long as I can remember I have suffered with anxiety. Its made up of different parts. GAD and social anxiety mainly with a touch of body dysmorphia thrown in now and then. But it fluctuates and sometimes I surprise myself by how well or how badly I have reacted in situations. I can't always predict it but generally I can.
For the longest time I just thought I was a 'worrier' and a bit 'vain'. that's what people would say to me, as I am sure many on here will know all too well. But a few years back I realised my symptoms were impacting my life more than I'd realised particularly professionally so I sought help. I was placed on 40mg Propanolol to take as and when needed and did CBT, which I'm sorry to say did absolutely nothing for me.
But i have continued to take the Propanolol ever since when I suspect i am going to need it but more and more as I advance and progress in my career I'm being 'caught out' by situations in work which then kick off an anxiety attack of shaking hands, trembling voice, blushing and sweating etc That awful vicious cycle when fight or flight kicks in. For what its worth I don't like taking the Propanolol because I know that night I will be wiped out and unable to play sports and so on, anything physical, due to the fatigue
Recently I have come to realise and begin to accept there is more to my feelings than just being a 'worrier', that I have a condition and I need to face up to it to beat it. What has helped is how in recent years more and more people have come forward to discuss mental health. I would be reading things nodding my head knowing all too well what they were talking about and in a sense it provided comfort for knowing that I wasn't alone in dealing with this daily tiring battle. Its odd but on the face of it no one knows what is going on in my head each and every day. people generally think I am confident and maybe even sometimes a little arrogant. This is because I use avoidance behaviour and have become skilled it in so they couldn't be any more wrong if they tried!! Even some of those closest to me have no idea of the daily battle that goes on in that head and body of mine. That's why I tend to be caught short more in work situations even though my symptoms do impact my personal life too.
In the last few months my anxiety has been gradually getting worse to the point a recent event in work in which I wasn't able to take a Propanolol ahead of caused me to have one of the worst attacks I've had in years. So I decided enough was enough and went back to my GP to explain that I wasn't happy with how I was feeling and didn't want to feel this way anymore.
He has prescribed me Sertraline to take 25mg for 28 days and then will bump it up to 50mg after that. I got them yesterday and have spent the last 24 hours obsessing over the side effects and just looking at the packet. I haven't taken one yet.
I have a family party to attend on Saturday and would like to have a few beers with my family so having read some things on here I don't want to ruin the event for myself. I am also working on Sunday and don't want to have a worse hangover because of the medication.
So I am trying to get myself in the frame of mind to take my first one on Monday morning but being honest I am very scared of how I'll feel afterwards and then going forward throughout the week when I cannot take time off work and have more social events planned for the following weekend.
I guess what I am after by posting on here is some encouragement or some advice really. ultimately it is down to me to take the medication and get over my hangups but I am feeling a bit wary and also a bit upset by the thought of taking it even if it is a very low dose to begin with.
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