We are nothing but empty machines following our genetic programming and our environment programming. This is something that science and buddhism have proven to be true. We have no self. It is a lie. I tried so hard to find counter arguments to this but found none. It is the truth. We are nothing but soulless copycats that just copy what other biological machines do. We have no originality. We just copy. Originality is also a lie. We copy behaviors from our parents and friends. We do not originate. We are nothing.

This realization leaves me feeling nothing but hollow emptiness. I don't know how or why to bother continue existing in this world. I do not really exist. I'm a just a machine just like everyone else. I have been near emotionless for many years. The only time I feel something more than a slight ring of emotion is when I take Ambien at night to help me sleep. For some reason Ambien gives feelings back to me and it feels good but I can't abuse medicine that is meant to make me fall asleep.

Even if I had my feelings back it would not help me cope with the illusion of the self. I would still be a hollow machine following programming. And as for individuality, as I said nothing we do is original. We need other biological machines to survive. No man is an island. And so we conform to society and relationships and lose ourselves in them. We are basically a hive mind. We don't exist as individuals, we are components to a superorganism known as humanity.

I have been awakened to the reality of existence and now I just want to sleep. Sleep is the only time I am at peace and feel something