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Thread: Don't know who I am anymore.

  1. #1

    Don't know who I am anymore.

    Hi,
    I have been watching a lot of videos on YouTube ( I don't go out much) I have really bad anxiety about meeting people and even speaking to people I already know.
    The thing is the more videos I watch, I find myself doing things that I see on social media. Regarding clothing, what I wear, my apartment decoration and even hobbies. I look around and my place looks like everyone on social medias. I buy things for hobbies to try and I don't do the hobby.. I have a feeling that I don't like the things I buy or wear or even have the patience for the hobbies in the first place, but the thing is I don't really know what I like, or who I am. Is this normal?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
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    Re: Don't know who I am anymore.

    It sounds like you're struggling to find your identity. You say you watch things on Youtube that you find on social media, which suggests you look to social media for what is or isn't acceptable?

    You say you're unhappy with who you are, what you buy, and what you wear? Could this be because the things you are buying are not actually things you want, or need, but because "everybody else" is doing it then it must be right?

    Maybe I'm completely off the mark. It's the impression I get from reading.

    If I'm close to the mark I have some advice. You need to find your identity.

    This means being what you want to be, and doing what you want to do. Doesn't matter who disagrees, or agrees. The point is you are doing what you want to do and are happy doing it

    I've been there. It took me 10 years to grow dreadlocks against the wishes of everybody around me, or the fear of what people may think. You stop caring about what people think and start to feel happy that you're doing what you want. I stick my two fingers up to anybody who disagrees. I honestly wouldn't care if everybody in the world hated my hair ... I love it.

    The point I'm making is be yourself. Turn off social media. It's poison, honestly.
    __________________
    Software Developer. HA. Ex window fitter. I record podcasts: https://anxietyjames.podbean.com/e/a...ty-affects-me/

  3. #3

    Re: Don't know who I am anymore.

    Quote Originally Posted by WiredIncorrectly View Post
    It sounds like you're struggling to find your identity. You say you watch things on Youtube that you find on social media, which suggests you look to social media for what is or isn't acceptable?

    You say you're unhappy with who you are, what you buy, and what you wear? Could this be because the things you are buying are not actually things you want, or need, but because "everybody else" is doing it then it must be right?

    Maybe I'm completely off the mark. It's the impression I get from reading.

    If I'm close to the mark I have some advice. You need to find your identity.

    This means being what you want to be, and doing what you want to do. Doesn't matter who disagrees, or agrees. The point is you are doing what you want to do and are happy doing it

    I've been there. It took me 10 years to grow dreadlocks against the wishes of everybody around me, or the fear of what people may think. You stop caring about what people think and start to feel happy that you're doing what you want. I stick my two fingers up to anybody who disagrees. I honestly wouldn't care if everybody in the world hated my hair ... I love it.

    The point I'm making is be yourself. Turn off social media. It's poison, honestly.
    I also have had dreadlocks for 10 years exactly that I grew against the wishes of everybody. People saying I'd not be taken seriously, get a job, etc. It's quite amusing seeing the stigmatization of things like a hairstyle isn't it? I got 2 jobs one in a medical field. Then ran an office for 3 years. So the common words on dreads do not hold true. They do sometimes but you don't want to be friends with or work for people who judge you based on appearance... In my opinion anyway.

    In reply to you are saying in your reply to them - i totally agree with you and feel like you're right on the mark. Because I also had a hard time finding my identity. Goth skater punk in high school after trying to fit in with the trends up to when I was about 13. After high-school, I dressed each day based upon mood and preference. All black clothes one day and crazy hair to straight hair make up and a tank and jeans the next. I mix and match hobbies and clothing styles to what sparks my mood that day. Recently I've become addicted to crafts and farm house decor and inspirational stuff with quotes. A few years ago I could only hang up skulls or band posters. They're still up too. I mix and match. There's no right way in finding what suits you. You just try a little of everything and then stick to what you like. Sometimes that's not the same day in and day out. Plus your body generally changes every 5 years they say, so the same definitely goes for style, decor and hobbies. I personally feel that life is boring without exploring new things. You are just exploring and trying to find yourself. Yes it's uneasy not knowing what you really want but will find it eventually. In the mean time try to relieve the pressure you put on yourself a bit and accept that you are undecided currently. If you want my advise, go to a couple different stores and pick out a few different styles to toy around with. Put it in your closet with the tags on still. See what you pull out and actually wear and enjoy in that month. Or start with a blank slate - go on pinterest and look at capsule wardrobes. The idea is to mix and match several pieces to make many outfits. Another good way to find your style with what you already own. I was just thinking about style the other day and how so many 90s 80s and early 2000s styles have come back into trend. You see people sporting many many trends across many decades now a days. It's very inspiring because people seem to be picking their style and not a trend.
    Another idea is to make sure if you are watching YouTube and being influenced or using it as ideas, to subscribe to many different types of styles and different types of music and different types of decor and hobbies. Not just one in particular. Find which one really speaks to you. Best of luck in finding what you love!


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