I'm falling and I can't stop - feeling so scared now :-(

[BrokenGirl]

Why am I feeling so scared all the time?? Is this normal?

A quick background. I'm a 42 yr old female, husband and 2 kids (17 & 11).
Have had bad health anxiety for about 10 years now. About a year ago I went back to work after many years being at home and it did wonders for my HA. It went away for a while and a few times when it came back I was able to control it. But the last few weeks I'm just sinking again.
I feel terrified all the time now. I'm going in to work later on and I'm dreading it. All I want to do is curl up in my bed.
My periods have been getting very heavy over the past year or two and I have a gyno appointment next week. As far as I know she will be putting a camera inside to have a look. I'm getting sick with worry over that now.
And I saw a bit of blood after a bowel movement over the weekend and that's still worrying me.
And to top it all off I'm due to check my breasts in the next day or two (usual monthly exam) and I'm dreading it. I've had a few bouts of bad breast HA over the past few years, last mammo was about 10 months ago.
I'm even worrying about my daughter who doesn't feel well the last few days.

I'm looking for some advice. I don't know what to do I feel so bad. I'm really scared all the time and these few HA issues are taking over.
It feels so disappointing to be back here again after having had a reasonably good year.

How can I rationalise my thoughts on all these things? I'm trying to convince myself it is HA and not a serious medical condition for any of the above issues.
Has anyone ever fallen like this with several HA issues at once, after having been doing so well?

[Elen]

Please read the below message from Admin. You are posting about a lot of different things frequently. Perhaps start a thread where you can keep all of your worries in one place.


Can posters, especially those who are posting a lot about a variety of fears please confine their posts to one thread.

This helps others to build up a clear picture of what is happening and makes it easier to offer suitable advice.

You may not see the pattern but usually it is there, especially if you are posting frequently about different things.

Your co-operation with this would be greatly appreciated.

Elen

[BrokenGirl]

Sorry about that Elen. I don't think I even realised I was posting a lot again lately.
I just can't get these awful thoughts out of my head. The breast cancer fear is eating me up again. I checked my breasts before I came to work this evening and I can feel a few biggish lumps in my left breast. I know I have lumps there, have been told by a doctor a year ago it's fine. So why won't my mind let me accept that these are normal lumps for me? I just can't understand why I'm slipping down this rabbit hole again. How do I get out of it?

[LF87]

I guess we just end up in spirals sometimes, I do too. It's just part of the health anxiety routine and we fall into it every time! I try to think logically, especially when I have two (or more) worries at the same time. My partner tries to make light of it which is good for me. For example for you right now, you are worried you have something sinister in both breast AND bowel at the same time? Very unlikely! My bf says to me, you're a walking miracle, you have 3 different cancers and here you are alive and well! This helps me rationalise haha. Plus, you know you have lumpy things, the doc has checked. I have two lumpy things and have come to terms with the fact they're just there and benign.
It's just part and parcel of HA unfortunately, but I'm certain you'll be fine. Don't worry x

[BrokenGirl]

Thanks for your reply, but I'm after getting myself into a right state. I checked my breasts again this morning and now I can feel a lump in the other breast. I never felt that before. So I rang the doctor and I'm waiting to be seen now. So scared of what she might say. Have I even done the right thing by coming to the doctor or am I feeding the dragon? I just don't know anymore. Anxiety is through the roof now. I hate this feeling.

[BrokenGirl]

The doctor examined both breasts and said she couldn't feel anything. I told her where I felt the lump on my other breast and she said she can't feel it. I have read this on here before - someone finds a lump, goes to the doctor and the doctor says they can't feel it. I'm not sure how to handle this. I thought I was ok with it when I came home yesterday but the anxiety and thoughts slowly crept back and I'm as bad as ever now. What if she missed it or didn't feel thoroughly? I asked her if there was any sinister lump there would she have felt it and she said yes, more than likely. So of course I'm twisting those words now to mean that she could also miss it.
I'm really scared now and I can't get rid of these horrible thoughts I'm having, of dying and leaving my family.
Can someone please try to talk some sense into me or should I go and get checked out again?

[Fishmanpa]

A medical professional that has felt more breasts than Charlie Sheen vs. just you feeling your own? I'd take the medical professional's opinion in a heartbeat!

Positive thoughts

[BrokenGirl]

I know what you're saying, and normally I'd agree with you.
But I'm feeling my breast here and I can definitely feel the lump. It's really frightening me. How could she not have felt it?
The only thing she did say was that she can feel some breast tissue. Could I be mistaking a lump of tissue for a 'lump'?
It just feels so hard and obvious and is really there.

[Fishmanpa]

The only thing she did say was that she can feel some breast tissue. Could I be mistaking a lump of tissue for a 'lump'?

You pointed it out, she felt it and its breast tissue. End of subject. Its your decision to take her word or pursue it

Positive thoughts

[Catherine S]

Hi Brokengirl, sorry you're feeling so bad lately and just wanted to add my thoughts. You're now into your 40s and these years can start the journey towards menopause. My own experience of this...known as the peri-menopause, is that it can cause lots of scary feelings and symptoms. Not every woman goes through this badly, but alot do. I went from age 42 until my last period at 48 with some horrendous symptoms, including heavy prolonged periods, severe anxiety and increased panic attacks, painful headaches that lasted days and a sort of spaced out weakness where I'd have to just sit or lie down depending where I was when it washed over me, until it passed.

The docs tried various meds including progesterone pills and the Mirena coil, but although this reduced the periods to nothing. ..which was a big relief...the progesterone seemed to make the anxiety, panics and spaced out feeling much worse, so after a year it was removed. I just wanted you to know that what you describe sounds to me like it could be the start of the peri-menopause, and knowing the reason for all of your symptoms really helps you to cope. It might help to confirm it by having a blood test that would measure your hormone levels. If it is that your oestrogen is starting to decline, even just a little it would explain things.

I hope this helps you somewhat. Take care .
Cath ☺ x