Hello everyone! I’m brand new here and I made a post yesterday in the GAD section about my current situation.
I recently made a post about this but I deleted it because I thought maybe I came out wrong or it just didn't apply to anyone simply because of the title of the post. I'm sorry that I made another one but here it goes...
I know I’m not alone here so I really hope anyone who has more experience with this has something to say.
To start off, I’ve always had anxiety (who doesn’t, right?) but in my case I’ve had three different doctors all tell me I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and OCD, which makes sense because my father (God rest his soul) had OCD very very bad. It got to the point while visiting these doctors that they didn’t want to see me anymore. They never came right out and said that but two of them recommended that I check myself in and get some help.
I used to go to them once a week with a new serious terminal illness or something because I would read online that this symptom means this, and this symptom means that. I was 100% certain I had every cancer known to man, kidney failure, blood clots etc etc. Even after getting blood work done and the doctors telling me I’m fine, I didn’t want to believe them! I only wanted to believe what Dr. Google and Nurse Bing had to say.
Now I’m in another situation where I filed bankruptcy (ashamed to admit it) because I really fell on hard times and can no longer pay my bills. I made the mistake of immediately going online and reading the horror stories of it. I’m not sure how bankruptcy works in the UK so I apologize if none of this makes sense. Anyway, I read online if you file and you “lied” on your credit card applications, you’ll get thirty years of federal prison PER credit card. Ohhhh boy! Keep in mind that I didn’t “lie” but I did take four of them out while I was unemployed, however I did do odds and ends for people and I had an inheritance as my “income”. I made payments every single month with no problems. When I did finally find work, I took out several more and honestly, I can’t remember what I put on those applications. I don’t think it was too far off but maybe two thousand dollars?
I explained this to my attorney and he told me not to worry about it because I don’t owe enough to any of these people for them to care. GREAT! Well.. great until I got home and read online some more. He specifically told me before I filed to NOT read or believe anything online. Well here I am.. reading online.. absolute horrible and dreadful things. What I read online has made me lose my appetite (I’ve lost weight due to not eating) and doesn’t allow me to get any kind of sleep. The only time I can sleep is after I’m drunk and even then when I wake up, I immediately think about the bankruptcy and that I’m doomed. It doesn’t stop until I start drinking again. When I drink I’ll still think about it, but it doesn’t bother me all that much. Then I’ll think about the trustee and what he’ll ask me. I’m afraid I’ll lose everything and THEN be taken away. No matter how much I try to stay positive.. it won’t go away!
There’s moments however where I’ll think logically but it passes quick and BAM! Back to the worst thing will happen.
I can’t live like this because its driving me mad. I can’t enjoy anything. I can’t enjoy my family or food or entertainment. NOTHING!! The new Avengers is coming out and I would love to look forward to it but I can’t and it sucks because I’ve been looking forward to it so much!
I know bankruptcy probably doesn’t relate to the majority of you but hopefully the thoughts and everything else is something you are familiar with. Can anybody help? I’ll probably post this on the GAD board as well.
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