Originally Posted by
ankietyjoe
Reading between the lines, it sounds a lot like you're struggling to let go of that person. That person has no place in your new life.
OMG - let go of that person!?!?! That person is me!!!! It's all I've ever been, and yes, it's what has made me feel valued and worthy and needed and gave me a purpose! Yes, it stroked my ego, and my ego needs stroking! I spent my entire childhood being and feeling unwanted and try as I might to get someone's attention by doing good things, I was still ignored. Being successful in my career was so rewarding!
I'll give you an example. I used to work in a similar environment. I've always been fairly stocky, masculine. I've always been fairly aggressive and quick to temper. I used to take pride in my ability to 'sort out' any situation be it physical or mental. I had a tested very high IQ, and therefore I was awesome. But it's all nonsense at the end of the day. IQ is just one measure of a person, and being aggressive just makes you a bit of a dick. When anxiety took me down, it took me down hard and fast. I became too scared to do anything, and I learned over the years I HAD to let that person go, because that identity was hurting me.
Well crap, I don't know who I am outside of that person. Guess that's a clue in itself. :(
The 'fixer' in you is looking for the next buzz of success, it's an ego thing. You can't fix this though. It's not physical, but it's also not mental. It's more of a holistic problem. You've lived a stressful life for years (whether you felt it being stressful or not, it was) and now it's over you're left with a habitual way of thinking and being that has no place in your new chapter.
Yes, yes, YES! I need the buzzes of success! I always take on impossible challenges and they bring me to life, but when I've conquered it I feel lost and need to find another one. And stressful life? Due to a lousy childhood, most of my adult choices were very bad ones, and some very dangerous. I was always chasing the high high's and as a result got a lot of low low's.... my life has been a rollercoaster. And yes, the job was VERY stressful.
It's not physical, but that doesn't mean you can't fix it. And being in control is a myth. Nobody is in control of anything except one thing. The one thing we are in control of is how we react to 'the moment'. Be aware of how you are feeling, and choose how to react.
Ugh, giving up control. Wish me luck.
Again, ego. That's not a criticism, it's just how the brain works. You may find equal comfort CHOOSING to accept what's happening now and accepting the challenge of a new way of thinking in a new chapter in your life. For me it was a remarkable relief not bullying the problem into submission, and the paradox of not trying to fix it actually fixing it was quite a revelation. And hypnotism can't do any harm. I tried it a couple of times myself before I really suffered with anxiety. Once to quite smoking which eventually morphed into trying to investigate other issues too, and then once after anxiety started, with little success. I personally don't think it has any place in treating anxiety, but that's not to say it won't help you gain some insight into your current situation.