Originally Posted by
MyNameIsTerry
From what you have written here all you are guilty of is a fist bump on a child's shoulder. Little different to a high five, a handshake, etc. But your anxious mind might be turning it into a "what if" I meant to do it inappropriately? But what if you didn't? What if it was just a friendly bump on the arm?
How did the kid react? Did you hit him so hard it hurt and he showed pain/fear? Of course not. And something of a sexual nature would likely cause a change in the child's behaviour.
You can see what this is, it's a trigger situation. It is trying to bring the POCD back to the forefront and enact the same cycles to keep itself relevant. It will want you to complete compulsions to feed it and obsess to keep the cycle running over & over. So, look at the evidence for & against, reframe a conclusion and that's where you stop. Have strategies to eliminate compulsions, things which can give you a period of time where you don't complete them that substitute the behaviour it's expecting e.g. rather that seek reassurance you engage in some form of other activity whether that's a walk, talking to others but not allowing the conversation to stray into the compulsions, a hobby, exercise, etc.
Trigger>intrusive thought>mental compulsions (searching for evidence of your potential wrongdoing)>leading to need to confess or seek reassurance.
Look around you. How many people may have done the same? Has a teacher, coach or youth worker ever put their hand on a child's shoulder in a friendly way? Are they prohibited from doing so by law? Have there been people arrested and prosecuted for a fist shoulder bump? Are people watching such documentaries and panicking they have abused a child? So, what is different in your situation? Is it just that you have an existing anxiety disorder with this theme?
Substitute that programme for one about cancer. A cancer patient starts talking about their symptoms. Would that trigger someone with HA who has feared cancer? How would they react? Would it change the outcome how they reacted? If not, why?
Without seeing the programme it's hard to comment on the case you mention. However, it does seem more about perceptions of the person. A question might remain over whether the coach acted inappropriately in his role, and I don't just mean inappropriate sexual behaviour because there could be an element of bullying in here too, but it's also the case that someone may feel x person was inappropriate yet they weren't. It's a great shame it affected her in this way and perhaps if she had been able to raise it with her parents, or a teacher, it may have been cleared up or the coach told it was inappropriate because of the person's feelings about the subject and stopped in the future. The guy might have been mortified to hear how he had affected her or he might have been an unpleasant idiot who didn't care, we don't know hence we have to be careful in judging stories like this if they haven't been investigated on both sides.
I'm guessing you will have professional standards guidance about appropriate levels of relationships with children too if you are in a role working with them?
So, catch those "what ifs", the memory searching stuff for more Confirmation Bias and try to stop it sucking you back in. If you have a theme like this it can latch on to so many things people do everyday without a care whether it's seeing a child in the street, even an innocent conversation with a child or the things seen on TV that broadcasters are allowed to show all day long as they are not in any way sexual. But just because the subconscious tries to make a spurious connection doesn't mean it's true or real, that's where it's down to you to shrug it off and not react to it.