I'm finally having an MRI next week

[Mostu]

I'm 23 years old, and I suffered from health anxiety for far too long. First it started with colorectal cancer fears - they went away after a clear colonoscopy. Then I had small bowel cancer fears, but it turned out that my low iron wasn't due to occult bleeding, but due to donating blood too much. Then I "had" multiple sclerosis, because I had tingling in my fingers and felt random wet spots on my skin, like it was raining inside. Of course, that didn't turn out to be true. Then I had problems with reading and as long as I worried about them, I was still misreading all the time and I was CONVINCED that I have a brain tumor.

I have learnt an enormous amount of information about many different diseases on the way.

However, since about 8 months I have been having one fear that I just can't overcome - pancreatic cancer. My symptoms are attributable to many different diseases. My doctor has done many blood tests and an abdominal ultrasound, however that's not enough for me. I wanted to get a referral for a CT/MRI but the request was denied due to lack of alarm symptoms. Today I told myself that enough is enough. It's just painful to be stuck in this limbo between "not confirmed" and "excluded". That's why I finally took the bull by the horns and signed up for a private MRI. Sure, it'll cost me 6 days of work salary, but honestly I don't care. If 6 days of work salary will finally give me a definitive answer, that will make that obnoxious fear go away, then it's worth it. I'm having the MRI right after Easter, and I'm glad that I finally decided to go for it. Just had to vent somewhere, thanks for reading

[Fishmanpa]

I finally took the bull by the horns and signed up for a private MRI. Sure, it'll cost me 6 days of work salary, but honestly I don't care. If 6 days of work salary will finally give me a definitive answer, that will make that obnoxious fear go away, then it's worth it. I'm having the MRI right after Easter, and I'm glad that I finally decided to go for it.

Actually, the dragon took you by the horns :( Think about how many therapy sessions you could get for 6 days salary! I'm sure all will be well until the next illness fear. I've seen the pattern time and time again here. Unless you treat the real illness, your mind will continue to create imaginary ones.

Good luck and as always...

Positive thoughts

[Beachlady]

Actually, the dragon took you by the horns :( Think about how many therapy sessions you could get for 6 days salary! I'm sure all will be well until the next illness fear. I've seen the pattern time and time again here. Unless you treat the real illness, your mind will continue to create imaginary ones.

Good luck and as always...

Positive thoughts

Exactly.

[Mostu]

You guys are right, however I noticed that I don't really come back to the illnesses that I excluded by testing. So even if I find something else after the MRI comes clean, I'll test that out, and eventually, I'll run out of things to worry about. Hopefully.

[BlueIris]

I really hope you're able to find peace of mind after this. However, if you're going to these lengths on the strength of so little evidence, I worry you either won't believe your results or you'll move onto a new worry.

[Fishmanpa]

You guys are right, however I noticed that I don't really come back to the illnesses that I excluded by testing. So even if I find something else after the MRI comes clean, I'll test that out, and eventually, I'll run out of things to worry about. Hopefully.

Just saying from experience here, that's not going to happen. Do a search for some of the "How many illnesses did you think you had" threads and look at them. That will be you unless you address the illness you do have. I'd bet a Franklin on it

Positive thoughts

[Midnight-mouse]

You guys are right, however I noticed that I don't really come back to the illnesses that I excluded by testing. So even if I find something else after the MRI comes clean, I'll test that out, and eventually, I'll run out of things to worry about. Hopefully.

How much money and misery does that route take when you could just deal with the condition you know you have and be done with it?

Please don’t take me wrong, I HAD a huge issue with health anxiety and I still have issues with OCD and general anxiety but I killed the health part of my condition off a good few years ago now, I know how it feels to be in the spirals.

Positive vibes

Mouse


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[Mostu]

I know I have health anxiety, but I don't think that I'm able to deal with it. I have taken antidepressants and Xanax but they just numbed me down and I didn't feel like myself. Cognitive behavioral therapy doesn't work for me either, I find it useless because whatever my psychologist tells me, I have a strong "that's just a trick, it's placebo, she's telling me what I want to hear and tries to rewire my thinking but I really am sick" attitude in the back of my head. I'm doomed, I'm ruining my relationships, myself and my environment. Someone hug me please

[Midnight-mouse]

I know I have health anxiety, but I don't think that I'm able to deal with it. I have taken antidepressants and Xanax but they just numbed me down and I didn't feel like myself. Cognitive behavioral therapy doesn't work for me either, I find it useless because whatever my psychologist tells me, I have a strong "that's just a trick, it's placebo, she's telling me what I want to hear and tries to rewire my thinking but I really am sick" attitude in the back of my head. I'm doomed, I'm ruining my relationships, myself and my environment. Someone hug me please

It’s not about what hasn’t worked for you it’s about making the changes that you need to in order to be able to find what does work.

I didn’t take to medication or go to CBT either, I’ve only recently started taking propranolol for the physical side of general anxiety.

It might very well be easier to feed the demons and keep testing as opposed to dealing with the cause of them but I know which one made my life considerably better in the end and it certainly wasn’t reserving myself to suffer by my own mind.

Mouse


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[Beachlady]

I know I have health anxiety, but I don't think that I'm able to deal with it. I have taken antidepressants and Xanax but they just numbed me down and I didn't feel like myself. Cognitive behavioral therapy doesn't work for me either, I find it useless because whatever my psychologist tells me, I have a strong "that's just a trick, it's placebo, she's telling me what I want to hear and tries to rewire my thinking but I really am sick" attitude in the back of my head. I'm doomed, I'm ruining my relationships, myself and my environment. Someone hug me please

Do you struggle with ambivalence in your general life? Do you need absolutes and proof positives in other areas? If so, this tendency to avoid confronting ambivalence is controlling how you deal (or not deal) with less-than-absolute-proof positive certainties in matters of your health. You’re only 23; you will encounter many things in life that don’t have answers, particularly with regard to your health. As everyone else here has suggested, stare down the dragon, cancel the unnecessary scan, and go live your life.