I am in a very bad place today, very suicidal. Basically I went to a friends house on Saturday, we had some cocaine and mdma, (not smart I know). At the end of the night it was just me and one guy left downstairs I popped a couple of valium to try and sleep. Next thing I remember is waking up on the settee where I was sitting the majority of the night. So presumably I just passed out? Now when I left I was totally fine, got home yesterday felt pretty low, which is understandable. But then randomly today, the thought in my head popped in what if something sexual happened with me and this guy? Like what the hell am i thinking that for, I have a GF and have zero recollection of anything like that happening? I have zero desire for anything like that to happen and it hadn't even remotely crossed my mind, now today its suddenly all i can think about?! Surely I would remember that, how on earth would I not be able to? I hate literally everything today, I wish I could die to escape this feeling. I love my GF so much and now I'm completely freaking out. I have had similar ridiculous things such as this happen, usually around thinking have I left a lighter at someone's house and its set a fire? Or did I leave a baggie somewhere that someone's kid has got hold of, and now they might die?
Honestly can someone help me, I know reassurance is bad but I can not feel okay today. Please help me.
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