I’m so sick of myself, I’m so sick?

[izzybizzy]

Argh in the midst of a health anxiety run.

Recently I’ve come to discover I may have CPTSD which helps to explain a lot of my mental health symptoms. But it annoys me because have I been treating HA and GAD and panic attacks for years and wondering why I’d get better for a bit then relapse in to other cycles and behaviours. And yeah now it all makes sense but now I’m back to bloody Health Anxiety.


I’m convinced I’m I’ll. it all started with dandruff, I get dry skin in the winter have for years. But this year I noticed it in my eyebrows and scalp. I googled to see what caused it and I found something called Sebboherric dermatitis and saw that like 85% of people with HIV have a lifetime risk of getting it ignoring that it’s also a common skin disorder not that I even know I’ve got it because I’ve diagnosed myself. I did freak out but managed to calm down. But the.low and behold....

I’m enjoying some sun having a relaxed weekend, when I notice a little blood spot on my arm you know the tiny pinprick spot which is red but not one quite a few on my forearms and a few on my upper. I’ve had blood spots before but never noticed them or that many so I google and there’s lots of causes but one of them is a compromised immune system ala hiv or leukima?!?! So now I’m freaking out about both.

Again I calm myself down but then today I noticed a huge enlarged lymph node or gland in one side of my neck which is sore but I’m not sick, no cold to speak of. I have been stressed and felt depressed a few days ago. I’ve been through a lot in a couple of years, but I’ve made an effort with it all to be ok. After my Dad was murdered I did struggle I was a mess but then the grief did start to lift but I’m still this mentally unwell person underneath. Who may be dying according to her approximations, maybe my body knows my mind has given up haha and is killing me

I just can’t be bothered anymore. I’m so sick of worrying I might be sick of being sick mentally of this stupid brain. Tired. Had enough. 😔

[Beachlady]

Argh in the midst of a health anxiety run.

Recently I’ve come to discover I may have CPTSD which helps to explain a lot of my mental health symptoms. But it annoys me because have I been treating HA and GAD and panic attacks for years and wondering why I’d get better for a bit then relapse in to other cycles and behaviours. And yeah now it all makes sense but now I’m back to bloody Health Anxiety.


I’m convinced I’m I’ll. it all started with dandruff, I get dry skin in the winter have for years. But this year I noticed it in my eyebrows and scalp. I googled to see what caused it and I found something called Sebboherric dermatitis and saw that like 85% of people with HIV have a lifetime risk of getting it ignoring that it’s also a common skin disorder not that I even know I’ve got it because I’ve diagnosed myself. I did freak out but managed to calm down. But the.low and behold....

I’m enjoying some sun having a relaxed weekend, when I notice a little blood spot on my arm you know the tiny pinprick spot which is red but not one quite a few on my forearms and a few on my upper. I’ve had blood spots before but never noticed them or that many so I google and there’s lots of causes but one of them is a compromised immune system ala hiv or leukima?!?! So now I’m freaking out about both.

Again I calm myself down but then today I noticed a huge enlarged lymph node or gland in one side of my neck which is sore but I’m not sick, no cold to speak of. I have been stressed and felt depressed a few days ago. I’ve been through a lot in a couple of years, but I’ve made an effort with it all to be ok. After my Dad was murdered I did struggle I was a mess but then the grief did start to lift but I’m still this mentally unwell person underneath. Who may be dying according to her approximations, maybe my body knows my mind has given up haha and is killing me

I just can’t be bothered anymore. I’m so sick of worrying I might be sick of being sick mentally of this stupid brain. Tired. Had enough. ��

You HAVE been through a lot and deserve a time out. I understand how frustrating it must be, coping with CPTSD and HA. Having CPTSD primes the brain to react in all sorts of ways and, as you know, triggers anxiety of its own accord.

As an aside, the sore lymph node shouldn’t be worrisome. Our lymph system is designed to filter out all kinds of crap in our system to keep us healthy. Your body is doing its job. Don’t be too hard on yourself; awareness is half the battle.