Advice needed re: ROCD

[Winter72]

Hi All

I'm new here so I do apologise if this has been covered elsewhere. I'm reaching the end of my tether with what I think might be ROCD. I just can't keep a relationship going past the first few weeks/months before I pick up on a flaw about the other person and just run with it until the only option is to break up the relationship to end the suffering. This could be anything about the other persons appearance...mainly seems to focus on eyes particularly eye disorders such as pinguecula (yellow bits in white of eye). I've also had it with eyebrows, spots on face or similar blemishes.

I've met someone I really like and we are planning to move in together. I currently spend my life comparing her to other people - not just other girls - anyone, young old, male/female and freaking out when their eyes are free from blemishes. I struggle to watch TV, or read magazines, hang out with friends . The panic is completely debilitating and knocks me for six as if someone has punched me in the stomach. I'm constantly 'testing' the relationship - do i really like her? Have I just made up all the attraction? Am I better without her?

I just don't know where to turn. I've read a bit about it online and it does seem to be a thing people suffer from. In the past I've had health anxiety and social anxiety but they seem to have cleared to be replaced by this. I've talked to various therapists and counsellors and no-one seems to know what I'm talking about.

Does anyone have any experience of this and where I can go for help specifically for this type of anxiety?

thank you

Richard

[MyNameIsTerry]

It's a common OCD theme and it's concerning trained professionals aren't aware of it. Others should be so you could ask for a change in therapist. Otherwise pointing them at any OCD charity website would tell them it's a theme although I would be wondering about their expertise when not knowing basics like common themes in anxiety disorders.

Regardless of theme it's the underlying disorder that needs the treatment. Themes have their nuances and you can tweak counter evidence to deal with that in a more bespoke manner but tackling overall levels of anxiety (which will bring down intensity of cycles), determining compulsions and working to eliminate them, working on the obvious Perfectionism and Cognitive Distortions involved in your thinking, and learning to sit with your thoughts without reacting to them in negative ways will all help you.

No one is ever perfect, you know this. Your subconscious is looking for imperfections thinking the opposite. But the conscious mind makes the decisions. It's just that it takes time to change the subconscious so it mothballs these negative core beliefs. You can work on your negative thinking though and cut down what is feeding it all. Beware All-or-nothing thinking that works with the Perfectionism, unrealistic beliefs will only mean faults start to be found.

[Winter72]

Hello Terry - thanks for your response. It's heartening to know that this is a common theme as I have been frustrated at the response by professionals I've encountered.

This is all very useful indeed - I know that it's underlying themes that cause this and my mind is looking for imperfections to continue its 'comfort' stasis of only ever having things to worry about. The perfectionism pervades other parts of my life too but this is less threatening/frightening when it's not someone else involved in it.


First stop I guess is taking down overall levels of anxiety (I've been off meds for a couple of months now) then seek a therapist who understands the nuances here.

Thank you for giving me hope that this can be solved.

It's a common OCD theme and it's concerning trained professionals aren't aware of it. Others should be so you could ask for a change in therapist. Otherwise pointing them at any OCD charity website would tell them it's a theme although I would be wondering about their expertise when not knowing basics like common themes in anxiety disorders.

Regardless of theme it's the underlying disorder that needs the treatment. Themes have their nuances and you can tweak counter evidence to deal with that in a more bespoke manner but tackling overall levels of anxiety (which will bring down intensity of cycles), determining compulsions and working to eliminate them, working on the obvious Perfectionism and Cognitive Distortions involved in your thinking, and learning to sit with your thoughts without reacting to them in negative ways will all help you.

No one is ever perfect, you know this. Your subconscious is looking for imperfections thinking the opposite. But the conscious mind makes the decisions. It's just that it takes time to change the subconscious so it mothballs these negative core beliefs. You can work on your negative thinking though and cut down what is feeding it all. Beware All-or-nothing thinking that works with the Perfectionism, unrealistic beliefs will only mean faults start to be found.