At my wits end

[cattia]

I'm really struggling at the moment. My symptoms are out of control, I'm struggling with chronic headaches every day which is getting me down so much. I've lost control of my googling. I'm paying £40 a time for therapy and I feel like I'm getting nowhere. All I can think of is the fact that I'm dying and nobody believes me. I feel like there is no point to anything and no matter how many times I've clawed my way up from this in the past I always end up back here. Can anyone relate?

[Carys]

Hiyer Cattia,

I didn't want to read (all the views that have already happened!) and not reply. I can't relate to the chronic headaches, luckily, but they must really sap your morale and strength. Pain of any sort can really get you down at the best of times. I am presuming here that the headaches have been attributed to anxiety?

All I can think of is the fact that I'm dying and nobody believes me.

This however I CAN relate to, and is something I felt in the past VERY strongly. I was once hospitalised with anxiety decades ago, and despite everyone telling me I wasn't dying - I believed nobody and even wrote 'in the event of my death' letters ready for my family. Guess what, everybody else WAS right. There is always point in trying to deal with your anxious feelings, and I will say that just because today and now are bad, it doesn't mean the future holds the same. One day 'something' could and I believe will click into place for you.

[bin tenn]

My girlfriend has had chronic, frequent headaches for several years. She does have some anxiety from time to time, but not chronic/severe. And her anxiety has nothing to do with her health. Still, she gets these frequent and sometimes quite severe headaches.

She's been evaluated by a doctor. She was seeing a neurologist for a short while, every couple of months. He found nothing. Did all sorts of tests, including a few different scans he thought could get some answers, but nothing. He put her in physical therapy for a few weeks and it seemed to alleviate some of the headaches, so perhaps it's muscular for you? It happens.

[cattia]

Thank you both for taking the time to reply. I truly appreciate it. I think the headaches are probably related to my posture which is terrible, combined with years of tension so I would say they are physical but also linked to anxiety. I'm going to try physio I think as it's something I haven't tried yet and medication hasn't helped much. Carys, thank you for your kind words. I know you're right, there is always a point in trying to make things better, for my children if nothing else. I've battled this on and off for well over twenty years now. I've tired CBT, medication, lifestyle changes, you name it. It would be unfair to say none of these work at all, I think when I do them regularly they keep me well for longer, but when I crash into a hole it always feels the same and it feels a bit hopeless to be back in the same place time after time.

[Carys]

I crash into a hole it always feels the same and it feels a bit hopeless to be back in the same place time after time.

I get it! I have had decades of 'fighting it' on and off, and in the middle two decades of perfectly fine and non-anxious life. I tell you this though, no matter how much you feel you are back in the same hole, you aren't. Each time this happens, you have more skills from the previous times, you have learnt more about yourself the previous times and you can make it shorter how long the episode lasts. The holes get more shallow, or quicker to scramble out of.