My story...please help

[mama_of_3]

I apologize for this being so long, I’m a first time poster and thought this would be a good place to start. I’m a mom of 3, my youngest just turned 1. I have suffered from anxiety for years, but was always able to keep it completely under control with a low dose antidepressant. But my recent pregnancy sparked something in me, fueled my anxiety, and I haven’t been the same since.
When I was 3 months pregnant my partner was sentenced to 3 years in prison from a dui related incident. I went through my entire pregnancy alone, with 2 other children to take care of. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and was told that because of the results of my bloodwork and the fact that I’m thin and no one in my family has type 2 diabetes, I could very well be in the early stages of type 1. This news wrecked me and sent me on a terrible spiral of health anxiety and feelings of absolute doom. Shortly after my son was born I noticed a lump in my breast. When I went to the Dr. he did an exam and found swollen lymph nodes in my armpit and immediately sent a referral over to a breast care clinic to get an ultrasound. I ended up having to have the lumps biopsied, and thank god all was clear, but I’ve been on a downward health anxiety spiral since. There are days I simply cannot cope. I’m on Citalopram for my anxiety/depression and have tried CBT. I feel like I can’t get out of this rabbit hole and wonder if I’ll ever feel like myself again. Over the past year I have convinced myself I have every disease imaginable, and continue to have the same strange symptoms popping up. I feel so defeated. Any kind words or advice are greatly appreciated.

[jwk]

Hi! I understand what you are going through completely. Instead of breast cancer scare, for me it was a mole that they biopsied (ended up benign) and sent me into a spiral of anxiety about melanoma cancer. My thought process was (and still is some days, to be honest), "yes it was fine THIS time, but of course there will be a next time and it won't be fine". Being a mother to little ones makes it so much harder, I have a toddler and am pregnant, and not only can you not take time to just relax, but the thought of leaving them is absolutely terrifying. I guess I don't have a ton of advice, but know you are not alone and that it will get better. I would suggest maybe talking to your doctor about trying a different medication. I was on busparone for my obsessive thoughts and it helped SO MUCH. Unfortunately now that I'm pregnant I have to be off it, and I can definitely tell a difference (the thoughts are much harder to keep at bay.) Whenever you feel you can't cope, maybe have family or friends take the kids and do something for you that distracts and/or relaxes you!

[mama_of_3]

Thank you jwk. You are so right, when you have little ones it makes it so much harder. I think my husband being gone was a trigger, reminding me that if something were to happen to me my children would have no one :(
Thank you for your kind words.

[Scass]

I’m so sorry for what you’ve been going through. It sounds like it’s been terribly tough for you.

Did you get your bloods done after pregnancy for diabetes? I had GDD (but was overweight) and touch wood didn’t develop diabetes.

Do you have any other type of support to give you the occasional break for much needed relaxation? And perhaps you could discuss this with a health visitor or GP too?

You’re certainly not alone x


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[pulisa]

If it helps I had severe gestational diabetes and needed to inject insulin. I was pretty thin and still am but that was 28 years ago and I have yet to develop any form of diabetes xx

[Carys]

Hiyer. Thought I'd add myself in here as someone who read your story. I've not read the other replies, and apologies if I repeat myself - however, I wanted to say that being left alone pregnant and with three children, its no wonder anxiety came out in some shape or form! Having entire responsibility for 3 children with no support, one still being a baby, and a couple of added in health scares and some possible post-natal depression and really I can see why you are where you are. I certainly had fears after my daughter was born, pretty awful ones e.g. that I could drop dead and what would happen (cue panic attacks and fears about my heart etc)? - I felt overwhelming pressure from having the complete care of an infant that relied on me, and you have that three times over.

I know you talk about CBT, but did it help you at the time or did you find it was no use ? Do you have any other family support or friends? Are you in any parenting groups ? I have no knowledge of the system or what is on offer in the states, but hope that there has been some exploration of ways you can access real support.

[mama_of_3]

If it helps I had severe gestational diabetes and needed to inject insulin. I was pretty thin and still am but that was 28 years ago and I have yet to develop any form of diabetes xx

That actually really does help. My Dr. acted as though I was some sort of anomaly! Not a good feeling for someone suffering from health anxiety. Thank you.

[mama_of_3]

Hiyer. Thought I'd add myself in here as someone who read your story. I've not read the other replies, and apologies if I repeat myself - however, I wanted to say that being left alone pregnant and with three children, its no wonder anxiety came out in some shape or form! Having entire responsibility for 3 children with no support, one still being a baby, and a couple of added in health scares and some possible post-natal depression and really I can see why you are where you are. I certainly had fears after my daughter was born, pretty awful ones e.g. that I could drop dead and what would happen (cue panic attacks and fears about my heart etc)? - I felt overwhelming pressure from having the complete care of an infant that relied on me, and you have that three times over.

I know you talk about CBT, but did it help you at the time or did you find it was no use ? Do you have any other family support or friends? Are you in any parenting groups ? I have no knowledge of the system or what is on offer in the states, but hope that there has been some exploration of ways you can access real support.

Thank you Carys. I’m not surprised my anxiety is at an all-time high, just upset I’ve been having such a rough time. I really loved my therapist, but I don’t know if CBT was helping. I learned some techniques about restructuring my thoughts, accepting unwanted thoughts, not giving them meaning etc. but at the end of the day my thoughts were all-consuming. I may give it another go because clearly I need to work on myself.
I luckily do have friends and family support.

[mama_of_3]

I’m so sorry for what you’ve been going through. It sounds like it’s been terribly tough for you.

Did you get your bloods done after pregnancy for diabetes? I had GDD (but was overweight) and touch wood didn’t develop diabetes.

Do you have any other type of support to give you the occasional break for much needed relaxation? And perhaps you could discuss this with a health visitor or GP too?

You’re certainly not alone x


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Thank you Scass. I have seen my gp numerous times, we’re in the process of addressing my anxiety and trying to find a medication that works for me.
I’ve had bloodwork done postpartum. I don’t have diabetes but definitely have high blood sugar. I’m guessing that’s just my normal. Not quite sure.

[Scass]

Thank you Scass. I have seen my gp numerous times, we’re in the process of addressing my anxiety and trying to find a medication that works for me.
I’ve had bloodwork done postpartum. I don’t have diabetes but definitely have high blood sugar. I’m guessing that’s just my normal. Not quite sure.

I suppose it depends on whether you were fasting or not? Anyway your GP will be the one to deal with that and I’m really glad you are getting help with your anxiety


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