Eugh cancer worries

[Gee]

I have a constant worry about cancer atm that I can’t shake, I had a benign fibroadenoma during pregnancy which made me start on breast cancer even though I’ve had that breast ultrasound now and they can’t see anything but that fibroadenoma getting smaller and then I got a abnormal smear for the first time ever which is CIN1 changes which means they won’t see me for a year to retest and they think my body should clear it. And now I have swollen gland on one side and it hurts when I swallow which I stupidly googled hoping for a benign explanation and what came up.... cancer that has metastasized in your body - am I just unlucky or do you think I should be worrying like I am?

the doctors just dismiss me as always but they dismissed me when I was a baby til I was 11 too and then I had to be rushed to surgery for my kidney because I was born with a problem and for 11 years they just said my mum was a fussy mother but I was so unwell and they finally listened to her ! Hence where my whole HA comes from!

[MJunderway]

Hi!
Just wanted to drop by and say that I struggle with the same thing. As a child, I was put through an extremely invasive (and maybe unnecessary) procedure, followed by years of infections after the procedure. As a result, I have struggled with severe HA since. It's been a lifelong challenge to trust both the medical community and my body. Through the anxiety work I have been doing (mindfullness, CBT, bodywork), I have come to understand that both my mind and body are on high alert constantly. Needless to say, it makes things really hard when actual "problems" do arise. I'm also dealing with a breast cyst and freaked out this week because I had a swollen lymph node in my armpit on the same side. It seems to have disappeared in the last 48 hours but I was a wreck during that time.

This is what I've done and am doing to help with lifelong HA (please note that my HA is still very much there, this is a work in progress). I now seek out drs who have a combination of empathy and practicality. I have severed ties with drs who act on autopilot, who dismiss and/or belittle my HA, or try to keep an upper hand through fear and authority. It takes a while but those drs are out there and they worth every effort to find them. I then make myself trust their expertise. I don't take advantage of their empathy and compassion to put my mind at ease. I do let them know when I am struggling with HA but I also let them know the steps I am taking to address my HA. I find that once you can find someone good, you can start to let go of the hypervigilance and then use that energy to address your HA needs. I hope this is helpful to you on some level!

[Gee]

Aw thank you for replying lovely
Yeh it is very tough as you say to find a doctor who understands - all my doctors I’ve seen are pretty dismissive about things - that is GP’s - the breast specialists I saw were very nice and one of them saw how worried I was and just gave me a hug which was so comforting although unexpected! I never used to worry about cancer because I always only worried about things that were def terminal like MS, progressive etc but I think I have it in my head now cancer can come back even if successfully treated and that makes me think if I did get it and then have it treated I’d live in fear of it returning every day! I also started worrying about bowel cancer as I had hemorrhoids in pregnancy and then one other incidence of bleeding a year after he was born which was really painful, doc said it would of been hemmoroids again or a fissure especially if it happened once and never again. But I feel like I’ve had 3 big primary cancer symptoms with the bowel, breast and cervical ... can’t stop worrying to death over them meaning something!

[MJunderway]

I hear you, HA is pretty cruel. I've had similar concerns/scares and what I have learned is that stress can cause things like fissures, enlarged lymph nodes and some research has considered stress a factor in cell changes. I've had friends and siblings share far scarier symptoms with me and in my mind I think, "Well, you're a goner." and it came to absolutely nothing. I think if you can find a good GP and trust what specialists are sharing with you, you can give yourself a break while you begin to address your HA.

As far as letting your thoughts get the best of you, cancer coming back even with successful treatment, there's at least one member on this board (Fishmanpa) who is a cancer-survivor and he's the first to tell you that's a common fear of all survivors but many if not most survivors go on to live full and healthy lives. It's totally unnecessary to even think of this if this is not your reality. Maybe instead use your super HA powers down the road when and only if you need them. I think the one thing all people with HA possess is the ability to find massive amounts of info about a particular fear or concern. Problem is that we have nothing we can do with this info so it just sits in our heads kind of like eating a giant meal and then going right to bed.

I'm taking the opposite route and trying to eliminate or find peace with my HA with as much effort as I put into building it up in the first place. I've done the building part for 42 years and I know what that looks like, feels like. I'm just genuinely curious to see what not being anxious looks like. Hope this helps relieve some of your concern!

[Gee]

Oh for sure - I would LOVE to think the way my partner does - he says why worry until you know you have something to worry about and everybody has to die of something, oh how I wish my brain was like that! That’s why I’m wondering if hypnosis would help retrain it a little! Luckily the one thing I haven’t done and won’t is transfer my worry to my child, I don’t massively panic about his health I’m just normal, if he’s poorly he goes to the doctor - I listen, I believe them, I take the steps they advise ... isn’t that weird!

[MJunderway]

I'm glad to hear that you haven't extended it to your son. Mine has picked up on my fears and is exhibiting health anxiety, in spite of my best efforts. OCD runs in both sides of my family, so there may be a genetic component as well. I tried hypnosis once when I was doing really badly with anxiety and IC issues. She was able to put my in a hypnotic state but since I only did one session and was in a really bad state, I didn't see much of a difference. I'd consider it again. I would just need to find her or find someone like her. The hypnotists in my area a guy focused on selling weight loss and smoking cessation packages and a woman is claims to be a spiritual healer. Somehow I don't feel like either would get to the root of the problem for me.

[Gee]

Ah how frustrating, I found one who has dealt with these issues before and panic disorder etc my partner is the so NOT a worrier - he lives like ‘if something happens it happens’ which is how I wish my brain worked but hopefully my son will take after him! He believes if you have a strong mind your body is likely to stay stronger - bless him though he also asked me if there were any anxiety groups he could come with me to which I thought was really sweet!