Hi,

I’ll keep the background brief, I used to kiss and flirt with other men at the start of my relationship 12 years ago, after 2 years I suffered a breakdown and told my now husband everything, I was then consumed by rocd that even caused me to leave him, but after a couple of days realised that I was worse without him.
The next time 3 years ago I relapsed and had incredibly ocd and anxiety that maybe I missed something and I felt incredibly guilty and became obsessed with telling him every detail. I went in sertraline and eventually this all calmed down and went.
After a stressful period this year in which my husband was very ill, on Monday I got intrustive thoight that again maybe I hadn’t told him everything. The next day he agreed for me to tell him every detail. I thought I could move on. I didn’t. I became obsessed with other minor details I may have missed, even to the point of getting my parents involved and telling them bad things I did when I was a child. I went back to the doctors that day and was represcribed sertraline. Since then the thoughts have increased ten fold. It started with what if I did this what if I did that. And I’ve been constantly confessing to my partner. Then yesterday I had .... what I slept with this particular person and don’t remember it ( we was in a jacuzzi and he did try to get me to sleep with him by dragging me into him and said no) this thought has got worse and worse, what if I slept with him has now turned into visual thoughts of me comitting the act. Ive never felt so low. This to me would be shocking. Is it possible this is my ocd or is it possible I did it and repressed a memory. I’m at a point of despair. I can’t function, I feel sick, I’m so scared right now. I’ve just taken my 5th tablet and I know they take time to work but this is seeming extremely excessive.

To be clear I had a similar thought 6 months ago about someone else. And it went after a couple of days and I realised it would never happen.

But this one I can’t shake. This thought has not bothered me once in the last 12 years since the incident. I’ve only ever slept with my partner. I know I have done wrong in the past, but if I have done this I couldn’t live with myself.

Please anyone able to help?

The sertraline dose is 50mg, I had other side effects too, nausea loose bowels jaw clenching yawning and feeling like fire was rushing through my body.

Is this the drugs, ocd or is it just a repressed memory