Hi,

So I have had GAD for over a decade now and last year it evolved into dp/dr and everything felt strange. I have gotten over that now *touch wood* but for the last few months I've been suffering with the worst thing I've ever gone through. I think this is the right forum but if not, I will move it.

I suddenly realised that everything is just material and science can explain everything. I kind of knew that before but now it is affecting my life really badly. Before, I was a really empathetic, emotional person who couldn't wait to have a fall in love, get married and have kids etc but now I feel like I've ruined my life by overthinking so much that I've realised some horrible truths that have completely destroyed my illusion of what life is.

I think it started when I thought about anti-depressants. I realised that my emotions can be changed by a tablet that changes my levels of certain chemicals in the brain. So if these emotions can be triggered by that, then emotions feel false to me now. You fall in love for scientific reasons- to procreate, not be lonely, because of hormones etc. Okay, you fall in love with somebody's personality but they just act that way because of things that have happened to them, how they were raised, genetics.

I can't help but just think of thoughts and emotions as neurological and chemical, if you remove part of somebody's brain they are not them anymore. I've started to view everyone as machines. I know I have feelings and stuff and so does everybody else but they are just purely materialistic and I can't help thinking of us as just robot type beings, programmed and fake. I don't feel as close to anyone anymore and I feel like my love is false and I don't even want to be in love or have kids anymore because I don't think I'll ever view love the same ever again or even love properly anymore. I don't even know why it bothers me so much but it really does.

I'm currently getting CBT counselling for social anxiety but the is coming to an end next week, and I can't explain my feelings properly at therapy and if I try, we just kind of skip over it. I'm also on citalopram and just changing to venlafaxine.

I just want to know if it is possible to get over this? I really think that I will never get over this and I have completely ruined my life by overthinking. It has been about 3 months of pure hell, and even if I get my mind off of it, it is still like a black cloud over me, polluting my life. Has anybody had this and got over it? I cry most days now and just want hope. I don't even know if what I've said has made any sense but thank you if you have read it.