Crippling anxiety about guy I dated

[jalapeno1234]

Over a month ago I ended a relationship which had begun very fast and sudden. We met, had coffee dates, went nice places then finally begun staying at eachothers places. He was caring and understanding about my health anxiety and generally a gentleman. This should have all happened within a month to six weeks Id say until we became official but it all happened literally in 16 days.. 8 incredible dates later he asked me one night whether I was ready to make this official which sent alarm bells in my head ;Despite our compatibility, I told him I wanted to take it a little slower. He was fine with this but other little things kept cropping up like he was eager to have sex but Im VERY careful in that department as I was brought up Christian and despite being pretty liberal, like to take my time with things like that..Some more overthinking on my part, health anxiety and a slight disagreement between us and I'd had enough. I told him I clearly wasnt ready for any of this commitment yet and that I needed a few days to reflect and decide what to do..confused and angry, he pushed me into deciding there and then what I wanted from him (Im aware nobody wants to waste time) and I told him Id let him know soon. The next night, there was some drunk calls from him and complaints about how he was "always the one who got hurt" and how he was "always the victim" . In anger I told him "I WANT to keep talking to you but I dont want to be with you like that just yet - can we still talk until I decide?" to which he said "whats the point?"

It was very messed up. We went from being on such a good high wave to basically being too people who had a messy and sudden and sharp end. That was April the 13th...within a week it happened I had compulsive urges to tell him I was sorry for ending it there and then and how I appreciated how much he took care of me with my health anxiety etc.. The entire thing has been on my mind since I ended it as I know I came across flaky, cold, confused and an absolute WRECK when he did treat me well despite the hastyness. I walk through our town petrified of what his friends are thinking of me (hes well known in the area because he works at one of the main bars) and whats worse, he's now with someone new and Im so scared of what I'll do when I see them together for the first time. I cant let go of this paranoia and I have to walk to work most days :/

[Carys]

16 days, thats just over two weeks?

I will say to you that after 16 days you barely even know each other at all, and from what you are saying here it collapsed into a heap so it really wasn't meant to be. I'm not sure what 'committement' he was looking for, but after 16 days most people are just committing to another date lol, so it all sounds like he had a major issue with pushing things on FAR too fast. If it had been years, and then you were writing this, I would understand your being really upset and low about 'how well he cared for you', but after such a short time scale.....even any yoghurts you bought together would be well in date. I'm not trying to be light-hearted but I do think you need to see it this way, it clearly felt like a very strong relationship that could have come out of it....but to be honest it was just people dating at the very start of learning about each other....and you've learnt in no uncertain terms, at a very early stage, that you aren't actually compatible. I don't really see why you are paranoid? He sounds pushy and VERY needy (proved by the fact that he moved straight onto the next person) - anyone who sets ultimatums and rings you up drunk all 'woe is me', sounds like someone you are lucky to have not continued with. WHy should his friends think anything of you, 2 weeks of dating, it didn't work out - no biggie. Who cares what they think, really.