For a few months now I have had a sense of uneasiness, low mood, low energy and a lack of focus or drive. I suffer from allergies and often woke up with headaches and a level of drowsiness that wouldn't go away. To combat it, I would drink two cups of coffee a day that would provide me with a plethora of energy and focus. Sometimes it would come with a anxious side effect to where my mind would worry about the pain i was feeling in my chest (Which my doctor told me was a result of acid reflux.) Later down the line, my health anxiety seemed to continue about almost everything. I felt like a day couldn't go by where I wouldn't feel worried about something going into my body. I stopped going to the gym, university and stayed up through the night to play games and talk with my overseas friends. Resulting in an irregular sleep pattern. Then, suddenly? Nothing, it seem to just vanish. But that's when the feeling of low mood began to creep in.


Now, because of the low mood everything begins to feel pointless, meaningless and existential thoughts crop up. It then reaches a point where i struggle to focus on what i'm doing. I feel derealization, to where my mind has an 'unrealistic and explainable' brief feeling of reality that i can't rationalise because i can't even explain it. Because my mind can't rationalise it, It turns into a scary thought of 'am i going crazy? oh my god i'm going nuts' to where my body goes into panic mode and begins panicking about panicking. To where it feels like i will never stop panicking because my brain is telling me it will never end. It often continues for hours until a rush of serotonin kicks and I feel calm. For a moment, i gain clarity and focus to where I start thinking 'Why was I so anxious? I feel so happy and content. I feel like me again. Those thoughts are just a result of a chemical imbalance' and it often lasts for a while, as the feeling seems to give me back control over my mind. Until the thought 'this calmness is just an illusion and this isn't the natural state' crops into my mind out of nowhere and anxiety flares up again. Again, nonsensical but it happens. Eventually that thought will pass but another that I previously stated will take it's place, accompanied by the low mood to where the cycle starts all over again.


While in the past I have rejected medical help for my long-term anxiety disorder. I personally believe that now on top of medication, lifestyle changes and CBT, I can find a state of balance and control that I seem to have lost. But additionally, I want to reach out and ask for advice here on similar experiences and reassurance. Am I right in thinking that long-term anxiety has brought on this scary bout of depression that's working hand-in-hand to create this awful cycle?