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Thread: Next stage of my life after marriage

  1. #1
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    Next stage of my life after marriage

    So in another month I tick marriage off the box so I moved from a flat to a house last year. Do I say that’s it I have achieved enough and just continue or do I search for a new challenge a new career? Go back and learn to drive I had over 100 lessons but that was ten years ago how easy is it to go back? My partner doesn’t seem keen on driving so it’s an added pressure. Or do I have a family just one and get by or do I make that choice not to have any?

    I mean i will continue to holiday around Europe by rail as I don’t like flying but can I reach my goal of New York? What next for me? I often worry I have no free will to decide anyway so what the heck? I could content myself but something tells me it’s human nature to have a go at something else? Is there anyone here got to a stage in life they are content and don’t need the next goal or life goal so to speak?

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    Re: Next stage of my life after marriage

    Yes, absolutely. I have a wonderful husband, I'm in a line of work I love and most of my goals these days relate to extending myself in my creative endeavours.

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    Re: Next stage of my life after marriage

    May I ask why you're asking these life decision questions to a anxiety forum of strangers? Wouldn't this be a personal decision and something you discuss with your fiance', friends or family? Besides, if one were to suggest for instance that you learn to drive, you'll turn it into a "yeah but" and use it as a reassurance seeking tool.

    I will add that life passes by so damn fast and the things we aspire for in reality often turn out totally different. Best advice is to read the quote in my signature. Your mental illness has had you chasing the wind for far too long.

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    Last edited by Fishmanpa; 24-05-19 at 14:31.
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    Re: Next stage of my life after marriage

    I've never been married but I don't view it as a life goal. Part of me is questioning why you view things this way because I have some of this myself. When I was therapy I explained my life had become like the projects I used to lead/manage. A daily box tick. It wasn't going through the motions for me though, it was an avoidance of not having things to do because my anxiety was so bad then. I still feel it now but it is greatly reduced.

    I think it is healthier to drift more. Shouldn't marriage be another new beginning in a relationship just as moving in together or having kids is?
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    Re: Next stage of my life after marriage

    I agree with Terry. To some extent life is about riding the wave and seeing what happens. Life goals and checklists are massively, massively overrated.

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    Re: Next stage of my life after marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by phil06 View Post
    So in another month I tick marriage off the box so I moved from a flat to a house last year. Do I say that’s it I have achieved enough
    Marriage is not an "achievement". It is a commitment and symbolic act of love you make for another. Seeing it as an achievement and something to cross off a 'wish list' is both shallow and pretentious.

    I hope you have deeper feelings which you're not displaying here or your marriage won't last long imo.
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    Re: Next stage of my life after marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by KK77 View Post
    Marriage is not an "achievement". It is a commitment and symbolic act of love you make for another. Seeing it as an achievement and something to cross off a 'wish list' is both shallow and pretentious.

    I hope you have deeper feelings which you're not displaying here or your marriage won't last long imo.
    agreeing with this completely
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  8. #8
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    Re: Next stage of my life after marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by KK77 View Post
    Marriage is not an "achievement". It is a commitment and symbolic act of love you make for another. Seeing it as an achievement and something to cross off a 'wish list' is both shallow and pretentious.

    I hope you have deeper feelings which you're not displaying here or your marriage won't last long imo.
    Say what you want but lots of people see it as something to cross off even posts above. Life is what you make of it some people marry for the sake of it, marry too young or cheat. My sister often questions why I am marrying but it’s a personal choice we all have our reasons.

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    Re: Next stage of my life after marriage

    Marriage is underrated in my opinion. Why do people need to do it to achieve something? That is not what it is about.

    It is not a tick list and one to check off.
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  10. #10
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    Re: Next stage of my life after marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by phil06 View Post
    Say what you want but lots of people see it as something to cross off even posts above. Life is what you make of it some people marry for the sake of it, marry too young or cheat. My sister often questions why I am marrying but it’s a personal choice we all have our reasons.
    True and it's not a new attitude. The same with starting a family.

    Agree with KK though. Some have the same and don't get married at all but it doesn't change what just is between them.
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