Next stage of my life after marriage

[phil06]

For goodness' sake, Phil, don't try your luck with the benefits system. It's harsh, it's humiliating and if you're anything like me you'll spend your entire life in mortal dread of the next appointment.

Yes but when you think you can have a family of six and get two grand benefits it makes you wonder why I work earn less?

[BlueIris]

Very, very few families do this. I've been on the dole and it was miserable, the advisors hound you and really put the pressure on. I live in utter dread of ever being in that position again.

[phil06]

Very, very few families do this. I've been on the dole and it was miserable, the advisors hound you and really put the pressure on. I live in utter dread of ever being in that position again.

Yes I mean I remember being on the dole for six months it was very depressing. That said I would like a break I was going to ask my work about unpaid leave? I just wish I had more time off

[Fishmanpa]

Yes I mean I remember being on the dole for six months it was very depressing. That said I would like a break I was going to ask my work about unpaid leave? I just wish I had more time off

Try this Phil. You typically end many of your posts and sentences with a "?". End them with a "." instead and make them a statement as opposed to a reassurance seeking question. It's a small thing but the meaning speaks volumes.

Serious question.... What can people here or on the other forums you post on do? These are all personal life decisions. Yes, you suffer from anxiety, OCD and a complicated menagerie of mental illnesses that have plagued you for more than half your life. That said, what can internet forums offer you other than opinions and ultimately, what have they done thus far to address your illness? Ultimately, its up to YOU! YOU decide how to address your issues. YOU decide where you go and how you get there. YOU decide for yourself your own life decisions.

You've gotten pages of advice and yet nothing changes So again.... What can posting on forums do to push you forward when the decision is totally up to YOU?

Positive thoughts

[Midnight-mouse]

Some people are on benefits and don’t work atall they can enjoy life wake up no worries every day?

I guess I would be one of those people, it’s absolute hell. Every time a letter comes through the front door I have to fear another assessment, another time I have to sit and justify my illnesses, scared out of my mind that they don’t believe me or that any progress I make can make me seem ‘not sick enough’ and poof! My only way of supporting myself and my husband is gone. Any time they can decide I’m ‘fit for work’ the same institution that nearly resulted in me ending my life. The reason I claim in the first place.

I apologise if this is out of line but being on benefits and having most of the country consider me to be lazy or faking for an easy life, this struck a cord with me.

I want nothing more than to support myself, but I have to do what’s best for my health. Be thankful of the position you’re in even if you don’t like it. I’m grateful each day that there’s benefits available to me, but I hate every minute of it. It’s not just wake up and enjoy the day.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[phil06]

I guess I would be one of those people, it’s absolute hell. Every time a letter comes through the front door I have to fear another assessment, another time I have to sit and justify my illnesses, scared out of my mind that they don’t believe me or that any progress I make can make me seem ‘not sick enough’ and poof! My only way of supporting myself and my husband is gone. Any time they can decide I’m ‘fit for work’ the same institution that nearly resulted in me ending my life. The reason I claim in the first place.

I apologise if this is out of line but being on benefits and having most of the country consider me to be lazy or faking for an easy life, this struck a cord with me.

I want nothing more than to support myself, but I have to do what’s best for my health. Be thankful of the position you’re in even if you don’t like it. I’m grateful each day that there’s benefits available to me, but I hate every minute of it. It’s not just wake up and enjoy the day.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yes I can sympathise with this but maybe I should be glad I can work but I have been 8 years in my job and I wish I could get a break the idea of waiting to retirement age seems seems awful

[MyNameIsTerry]

Very, very few families do this. I've been on the dole and it was miserable, the advisors hound you and really put the pressure on. I live in utter dread of ever being in that position again.

Yes, it's very different now. When I was in my early twenties and had the odd period between work due to changes you could stroll in every two weeks and no one cared. The advisers looked depressed as hell and didn't care. Then the government started kicking their arses and it all went the completely opposite way into being hounded and sanctioned for nothing. There is a very good reason we never want to see the police on performance related pay!

I had a cousin who worked for the Job Centre back then who left because of all of this after many years working there. And one of the guys from the charity walk-ins I went to was actively looking for work and they wanted him to travel over a hour by train to a different city knowing he would have no money to pay his bills.

It may sound easy but the reality is far from it for most. Kids grant kid gloves and more benefits for the simple reason they want to protect the kids. For the rest you can expect to be hounded and expected to be proving daily multiple job searches or face sanctioning.

And then we have the mess that is ESA.

How will you cope with that pressure, phil? Some people have killed themselves over this.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yes I can sympathise with this but maybe I should be glad I can work but I have been 8 years in my job and I wish I could get a break the idea of waiting to retirement age seems seems awful

All that means is you feel unfulfilled and need to look for another job. Many people have to accept work is about money to do other things in their life. Previous generations had less choice in any of this and a job was all about paying bills. They didn't have all our opportunities to change career, you went down the pit at 15 and you stayed there.

[phil06]

All that means is you feel unfulfilled and need to look for another job. Many people have to accept work is about money to do other things in their life. Previous generations had less choice in any of this and a job was all about paying bills. They didn't have all our opportunities to change career, you went down the pit at 15 and you stayed there.

Wow yes I mean I know people go to college but not so much in your 30’s. There is lots of opportunity’s and i agree. But I always say a job is different from a career. Any service industry jobs won’t be very fulfilling and I have never really had an idea about what I want to do other than maybe my own business but I have no idea what I would do and if I did it would take money to start up. My job pays the bills but I don’t have the luxury of being full time and being able to treat people I only have money to get by which is also why I stopped CBT. When I stayed with parents a low wage made you feel rich as there was no bills to pay.

But yeah any life decisions now are hard as I went down the Solipsism rabbit hole. I wish I never googled all these ideas as now this free will and Solipsism make me feel lazy and care less basically as I can’t confirm life is genuine. It’s like my life up till now was genuine but anything beyond could be false now I know the “truth” as my ocd says?

[MyNameIsTerry]

Wow yes I mean I know people go to college but not so much in your 30’s. There is lots of opportunity’s and i agree. But I always say a job is different from a career. Any service industry jobs won’t be very fulfilling and I have never really had an idea about what I want to do other than maybe my own business but I have no idea what I would do and if I did it would take money to start up. My job pays the bills but I don’t have the luxury of being full time and being able to treat people I only have money to get by which is also why I stopped CBT. When I stayed with parents a low wage made you feel rich as there was no bills to pay.

But yeah any life decisions now are hard as I went down the Solipsism rabbit hole. I wish I never googled all these ideas as now this free will and Solipsism make me feel lazy and care less basically as I can’t confirm life is genuine. It’s like my life up till now was genuine but anything beyond could be false now I know the “truth” as my ocd says?

Yes, it's just part of how life works in that most people in their thirties are more settled or working towards certain things. Less will go into education simply because they have a different path anyway. Education is still open but many will be looked more towards career specific stuff to advance what they are currently doing as opposed to a fresh change. But you can do it, if you have the cash, a barrier to many.

I agree that a job is different. Some jobs can be made into careers though as you may advance up the ranks into management or side ways into a specialism. Many jobs are just bill payers and they are boring but you have to come to terms with that or it will only get you down. It's always risible when you apply for a shelf stacking job and get asked in the interview why you want to work for that company. Everyone asking the question knows it's just as stupid.