Next stage of my life after marriage

[MyNameIsTerry]

I guess I would be one of those people, it’s absolute hell. Every time a letter comes through the front door I have to fear another assessment, another time I have to sit and justify my illnesses, scared out of my mind that they don’t believe me or that any progress I make can make me seem ‘not sick enough’ and poof! My only way of supporting myself and my husband is gone. Any time they can decide I’m ‘fit for work’ the same institution that nearly resulted in me ending my life. The reason I claim in the first place.

I apologise if this is out of line but being on benefits and having most of the country consider me to be lazy or faking for an easy life, this struck a cord with me.

I want nothing more than to support myself, but I have to do what’s best for my health. Be thankful of the position you’re in even if you don’t like it. I’m grateful each day that there’s benefits available to me, but I hate every minute of it. It’s not just wake up and enjoy the day.


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Sorry to hear this Mousey

And as you will know it's a rabbit hole of it's own. It sucks you in. You do less because you have less and start retreating if you have mental health issues (and many do even though they don't or even develop them through the lack of esteem, routine and self worth).

Some seem at piece with not giving a toss about work but most see work as part of life and these people tend to feel shame for even claiming benefits. Then there is the media demonisation and political nonsense on top that feeds it all. But I know my dad's generation (in his seventies) found unemployment had a major stigma too and if you weren't working you weren't a man back then.

Sadly the bad apples always tarnish all the good ones. Anyone can find themselves in a situation like this due to the unexpected life throws at us. It's the reason I don't walk past a homeless person and judge them because I don't know if that will be me at some point.

[BlueIris]

Wow yes I mean I know people go to college but not so much in your 30’s. There is lots of opportunity’s and i agree. But I always say a job is different from a career. Any service industry jobs won’t be very fulfilling and I have never really had an idea about what I want to do other than maybe my own business but I have no idea what I would do and if I did it would take money to start up. My job pays the bills but I don’t have the luxury of being full time and being able to treat people I only have money to get by which is also why I stopped CBT. When I stayed with parents a low wage made you feel rich as there was no bills to pay.

But yeah any life decisions now are hard as I went down the Solipsism rabbit hole. I wish I never googled all these ideas as now this free will and Solipsism make me feel lazy and care less basically as I can’t confirm life is genuine. It’s like my life up till now was genuine but anything beyond could be false now I know the “truth” as my ocd says?

As somebody who's spent the past week doing enrolments at a college, respectfully, that's horsecrap. We see so many people in their thirties, and a decent amount in their 40s and 50s or even beyond. Often, they're taking an Access course so they can get into university and find themselves more fulfilling work.

[phil06]

So yes I hope to save for New York still despite my fear of flying my thinking is if I have the money there I may some how go?

[Fishmanpa]

So yes I hope to save for New York still despite my fear of flying my thinking is if I have the money there I may some how go.

Now it can be a goal as opposed to a "what if?"

Positive thoughts

[phil06]

I have also been thinking of learning to drive again but it makes me feel anxious. Should I let the anxiety win and not drive and fly? I find it hard like I beat some of my ocd worries but unsure if I can beat my other fears?

[Fishmanpa]

I have also been thinking of learning to drive again but it makes me feel anxious. I find it hard like I beat some of my ocd worries but unsure if I can beat my other fears. If I don't learn to drive or overcome my fear of flying then I let the anxiety win.

See the difference? And the real question is.... Are you going to let it win?

Positive thoughts

[phil06]

See the difference? And the real question is.... Are you going to let it win?

Positive thoughts

I feel I need to stay in my safety blanket so maybe it’s better to not do these things

[phil06]

I am unsure if I need to embrace that I just don’t like flying or if I should force myself to fly. The same issue with driving is it worth the money, time and stress doing it again after almost a decade?

Changing jobs too I can’t help that I am tired of the run down town I work in, I can’t help that I hate getting two buses to work now I moved house yes I worry my life is controlled but if perhaps I do get to move jobs closer to home again maybe I need to embrace these changes?

[Carnation]

Oh my, I haven't looked in for weeks and it's still the same conversation, questions and answers.

[phil06]

Oh my, I haven't looked in for weeks and it's still the same conversation, questions and answers.

I have yet to find a solution