Next stage of my life after marriage

[Fishmanpa]

My therapist thinks it’s realistic to have goals go to America and learn to drive but is it realistic? Should I stay in my comfort zone?

I have achieved lots how realistic is it to keep achieving? Is exploring Europe enough when there is lots to see in America?

Those are questions only you can answer.

Positive thoughts

[phil06]

I am struggling with the thoughts still. I have thoughts so I avoid touching stuff around the house this is a real problem. I worry my hands touched the bin even if I never and I worry some items are dirty. I do resist it and touch stuff but still don’t touch everything.
Back to the Cbt side of things I am unsure if I can reach my goals of driving or flying. For me New York seems too much for me right now. I just can’t see myself as a regular flyer especially long haul. My therapist thinks I can reach my goals but I just don’t know if I can?

[Carnation]

If you don't think you can, then you won't!
But if you have positive thoughts that you can achieve these things, then it's more likely you will.
Maybe it's a case of trying to do too much all at once.

[phil06]

If you don't think you can, then you won't!
But if you have positive thoughts that you can achieve these things, then it's more likely you will.
Maybe it's a case of trying to do too much all at once.

True I feel so much pressure. The driving thing was a decade ago I did lessons so I have done it but it’s hard to go back.

Perhaps I don’t need all these targets I remember a time I would just look forward to going to the cinema past few years it’s been all big goals.

[Dying_Swan]

Hi Phil.

I think your therapist is right that it's realistic to achieve your goals of going to America and learning to drive, in the long term. I would say start smaller though, or it might not feel realistic. For example, try flying to Europe rather than going by train. New York is around a 7 hour flight I think (inbound usually shorter), so a medium haul I guess. If you are comfortable flying shorter journeys first, you'll feel more confident on a slightly longer one.

I think it's worth NOT staying in your comfort zone, and trying to extend it little by little. Anxiety disorders can make our comfort zones smaller and smaller, and they don't get bigger on their own. Stick at your CBT and work at it. The sessions themselves can't and won't cure your anxiety, but will give you the tools you need. It's then up to you to use them to move forward.

[pulisa]

I'd say going back to driving lessons would be a more practical goal but you would need to find the right instructor.

[phil06]

I agree I should be going for goals but my frame of mind right now is I can’t face these goals. It kind of sucks I feel this way I hate previously flew, I have done driving lessons. In my mind I could manage a short flight to Dublin but I am unsure if it will be weeks or years before I do it

[pulisa]

Why does it matter? Because you need a definite "time plan"?

[phil06]

Why does it matter? Because you need a definite "time plan"?

I don’t think I need a time plan my fear is not doing it atall. Maybe there will be better times I feel more upto it? I just feel very guilty and depressed I can’t do these goals today? You might wonder why well if I go to New York I want to go to Chicago and so on the more I do the more I want

[Dying_Swan]

the more I do the more I want

Which is a good thing! So start smaller, more realistic, more achievable. Do the flight to Dublin. If that goes ok, try e.g Spain (2 hours), then Greece (4 hours), then eastern US. This is just an example, and of course there's nothing stopping you jumping straight on a flight to NY if that's what you want to do. It's only that breaking it down into smaller steps can make it easier to tackle. I hate flying too, but it's never as bad as I imagine, and I'm always pleased when I've done it. It would probably give your confidence a boost, even if it's just a short flight.

Learning to drive is also totally achievable, but you have to start somewhere. Why not book one lesson and see how it goes? You'll only do these things if you commit to doing them. It doesn't have to be immediate, but start somewhere. Maybe decide whether driving or flying is more important to you at the moment and focus on whichever you choose.