New Chapter

[SarahNah]

Sorry to update so suddenly with a different tone but there's no one awake and I already sent a crazy message for someone to wake up to that I'll delete.


Sleeping was going better, when tonight things just all felt... Wrong. They didn't feel real..? I don't know how to describe it. Then my heart felt like it wasn't working and ugh. There was so much stuff going on and I'm so alone at this hour. I've been having a constant panic attack for two hours and I'm semi calming but this is so hard

Like there's so much going go- I'm feel to hot every moment with the blanket and I'm freezing with it it. I want to get sick but everything feels likes im dying. I know I'm being dramatic but this is a so scary to me. Everything so wrong and bad. Like this is the start of something bad in my life

[Scass]

Oh you’re not dying, it does sound like a panic attack. Sometimes the smallest of things can cause one. Sorry you’re so scared by it, but that’s how they work.

Keep doing stuff to distract your mind, then before you know it you’ll be back to breathing normally and feeling much more like yourself. You might be worn out by it, but you’ll be ok.


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[Elen]

Agree with Scass, it is another blip Sarah. Keep distracting yourself and it will get easier.

[SarahNah]

@Scass & @Ellen

Thank you both so much for the reply's!

Sleep isn't always a easy thing for me, It's becoming up to a very upsetting and difficult time of the year for me...the time that really set off my anxiety issues. It's probably alot of pressure, I don't even notice. I guess in the moments it's si stressful and scary but it's like you say Elen- I'll have to distract myself and it will get easier to deal with. I know, I know I'm so dramatic to say I'm dying and it's a silly statement. I guess I shouldn't vent so much but it's like I need to get it done in away.

In good news I'm nearly finished my tablets, four another four days to go. I think my throat looks better, it definitely feels better.

[SarahNah]

Just wanted to update this thread quickly, I tried not to come here everyday and say something.

I've not been well in anyway, phycially my thoart is still at me and I have lots of other things wrong but I'm trying to be being reasonable and thinking it could just to do with the weather /my mental health playing a part.

I've been having non stop nightmares and that's really made things worse and I've gotten some bad news in my person life.

So all in all not a great time but I've got therapy coming up! Hoping it can help kick start me up again as things haven't been great! But it's all part of it! I'm trying to be more proactive and talk more walks/work out to try and help clear my head space. I've also started to draw again, trying to have something to do that isn't social media /interaction based but also gives my mind to work on!

Now I've got a 12 hour work day to look forward too!

[SarahNah]

Today was a rough day! But manged to get through it! I'm feeling really unwell phycially but I manged it ! Going to try some new of the face cream today to try and destress a little!

[SarahNah]

Having a horrible few days..alot of very personal feelings being hurt. It's coming up to two years since my break-down (I don't use this term lightly, it ended up with my ripping clumps out of my hair our and other issues I don't want to upset others with here.)

I have therapy on Monday, the same back as my breakdown, the same day as my birthday.

Health wise: It's been up and down:

I have a horrible headache today but rather then fall onto the ground and says it's the end. I know it's more reasonable to think its to do with stress/not drinking enough water/ lots of other little things etc. I also have a very tender spot under my skin by my eyebrow....like did I forget I have cyst ache! It will show itself in a few days.

Also my throat is doing okay-ish, during a break down I did check for lumpy areas. Did find one but I had blood/counts done recently and it was all good. It's just something I need to forget about and not chase down the garden path. I've been at this door many times before and I'm still here aren't I!

I'm aware that I use my HA to hide behind sometimes, it's a very complex issue! Aren't we all complex

I'm trying to have things to look forward to, my boyfriend and me are going on a trip in mid July for two weeks to look forward to. My best friend moved into a new house and we're having a party. My Mam had me helping her build garden tablets and chairs set..let's say Rome was built faster

[Elen]

This must be a very challenging time of the year for you but look at all the positives.

Your headache does not mean a brain tumour

Your cyst is not skin cancer

Your sore throat is not throat cancer

We all hide behind things for a number of reasons, it is good that you recognise this.

Where is the trip too?

Building furniture has never been something that I have been any good at, tbh I wouldn't even attempt it these days as I know that it usually ends badly.

Another positive is the total difference in your posts compared to previously.

[SarahNah]

@Ellen Thank you so much for the reply, I've been trying to keep myself from rambling to much as today as the day of the break down that lasted for ago time (with impact). I've been doing to well, emotional or physical. I think my throat infection never cleared so I'm going to my own gp towards the end of the week if it hasn't cleared up by Wednesday. I probs need another dose of tablets to clear it, it's more annoying and dis-heating then panic driven at this stage. It's sad as the first is my birthday but I have a therapy appointment for tomorrow. Alot to talk about! But it's all about working along.

The trip! We're going to the Netherlands first (my boyfriend from there, to vist family and his friends etc) then we're going to Italy which is lovely as we've never gone somewhere before were neither of us could speak the language...so two clowns trying to work it out together! (That's another reason I want the throat thing cleared up, don't want to be feeling unwell on the trip!)

See, as I'm moving country soon- My Mam says she wants to get as much help out of me as possible before I go! Haha, so building and helping paint when the weather a little better for me with her! But it's lovely to spend time with her.

I'm trying to change my mind set, not fall down, I know I have dumps in the road. That I've got this far and I can keep going far with a few slips before hopefully never go back

[pulisa]

Oh Sarah I do wish you a very Happy Birthday for today and I hope that the day turns out to be a good one-including a positive therapy appointment which will help you with your fears.

Your trip sounds very exciting and full of new experiences which you can enjoy together. You certainly don't let your anxiety hold you back from taking on new challenges-I really admire you because you keep on going regardless of setbacks and worries. You deserve life to get easier for you and there's no reason why it shouldn't in view of your determination and positive mindset.

Happy Birthday! xx