New Chapter

[SarahNah]

I sense your obvious distress with all this and rightfully so. Your GP and therapist surely must be able to help you more even if it's with drugs to help break the cycle of insomnia and panic? The weighted blanket may help but ultimately this appears to be a psychological problem and a lack of confidence and fear that you will get through the night? Do they know just how bad things get at night for you?

Honestly Pulisa you really made some interesting points here (I'm aware that sounds smart-ass but it's not meant to be. You've really made me think about things!). My GP has a appointment free Friday and I'm waiting to hear back from therapist- so hoping to get on a good path again soon! Yes they are aware, they really try to work on it with me but things are still hard. Like I try- yet as I type this I'm fully breathless and feel like I'm going to pass out! It's a daily struggle again :(

[pulisa]

You must expect to feel breathless at night now so it's a self-fulfilling prophecy? I used to have a real problem with concentrating on my breathing and then not feeling able to breathe at all-not being able to let it go and allow myself to breathe naturally. It's still lurking when I think about it.The fact is that when you do actually sleep it's a huge relief as you don't have to think about breathing anymore..which shows that the problem is psychological rather than physical.
I'm glad you will be seeing your GP on Friday-you certainly need more support from both her and your therapist xx

[SarahNah]

You must expect to feel breathless at night now so it's a self-fulfilling prophecy? I used to have a real problem with concentrating on my breathing and then not feeling able to breathe at all-not being able to let it go and allow myself to breathe naturally. It's still lurking when I think about it.The fact is that when you do actually sleep it's a huge relief as you don't have to think about breathing anymore..which shows that the problem is psychological rather than physical.
I'm glad you will be seeing your GP on Friday-you certainly need more support from both her and your therapist xx

Hi Pulisa, I totally agree with you about the whole breathing thing! It always feel worse when I think about it-like all things. My GP appointment was actually today! I got the dates mixed up and I was lucky it was in the evening so I had time to notice and not miss it! I've been kinda out of it. She spent 20 minutes just talking about my feelings and emotional being- she also took my pulse and said everything is fine. Which is hard to believe sometimes when I feel so bad! She took blood tests for my iron and b12 levels. It was a good talk but I'm exhausted now, which is to be expected from someone not sleeping alot and it as a long day! Thank you so much, Pulisa for taking the time to reply over and over again. Even though I'm not feeling great now, she kept telling me how far I've come. That I should be proud of myself- which feels hard to be sometimes!

[SarahNah]

I'm thinking maybe if I'm lacking iron or b12 it could be the cause of my faster heart rate maybe?

[SarahNah]

Just a little update, went to the restaurant (the same when I went to last week when I had the really bad epsoide) tonight and my heart race is pounding again plus feeling weak...but I'm managing it alot better and I feel like I'll be able to stomach food this time ! It's the little things....hope I didn't speak to soon lol

[pulisa]

You can do it, Sarah. You are a very brave person who takes on a lot and deserves happiness and success in life.

Take it slowly and steadily and always remember that these "little things" are so significant in recovery xx

[Fishmanpa]

Just an observation... The break you took from documenting your battle made a significant difference in your posts....

Positive thoughts

[SarahNah]

You can do it, Sarah. You are a very brave person who takes on a lot and deserves happiness and success in life.

Take it slowly and steadily and always remember that these "little things" are so significant in recovery xx

Thank you so much for the reply Pulisa! They are truly some wonderful words- you have no idea how much they mean to me. Thank you so much truly- plus dinner went good! Had a few shacky moments but got through it! Ate and all! Got some reflux from the pizza now but so glad I did it!

[SarahNah]

Just an observation... The break you took from documenting your battle made a significant difference in your posts....

Positive thoughts

Hi Fishmanpa,

Well when I wasn't online, I was with either my therapist or having to go to group session or intense meeting about my MH everyday. So I wasn't never really alone, I guess I'm using this as a semi lean post as I'm not as surrounded all the time now! Like I don't think I post as much as I used to either. Like I've had alot of worse moments I didn't post onto here, it's just I guess reading back as well I can all my ups and downs. I feel like I'm on a up again now? Maybe I'm speaking to soon.

I also was on medication that time- but for personal reasons I would not rather talk about why I'm not allowed it now when I'm not under supervision!


Sorry if this seemed snappy or rude?? I didn't mean for it to be! I was just trying to explain myself and my situation. Like I've said before, you have helped me in the last and I appreciate your comments and how you come at things!

[Scass]

Whatever helps you x