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Thread: New Chapter

  1. #1
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    New Chapter

    So....I've had alot of ups and downs lately. Both with mental health issues, health issues (my acne has caused ALOT of issues lately ), personal issues etc.

    So this summer I'll be 23 and I'm going to try to use this summer to really pick myself up and make myself the best me I can be.

    I'm going to Germany for a week on Monday, I'll be making a new home for myself in Germany next Autumn. Which is huge, part of my anxiety had always been I needed to have someone around me. Someone I can lean on, nearly push my fears onto them- yet here I am moving to a new country by myself. Starting a new life by myself. It's scary, I've talked to my therapist about it and she said we can have phone appointments. She also said if I truly hate it and I can't cope, I can always come home again. It's better to go there and try then stay here and regret it forever.

    Yet I have come better about health anxiety, I haven't googled in at least four months! I also have one tonsil way, way bigger and lump compared to the other. I took photo of it very day for ages obsessed with it. It was strangely lumpy and strange- looked horrible. Ask my gp about it the last time I was there a few months ago. Haven't thought about it since! Which is huge for me. It's prob because I had throat infections alot in my teens and it never went down again!
    I also don't self check as often anymore- just once very month after a shower- sometimes it goes longer then a month if I'm in a good head space! Compared to the non-stop touching and poking I used to do.
    I'm having issues now and I have so issues now and again- but I feel like I'm doing better! I hope I am, I'm trying. I lived in fear for so long and while I've had some issues it's never been what I feared. I've had so many tests, so many gp vist. I hope I get stronger and need even less appointments

    I'm worried about making new friends, about my friends in Ireland forgetting about me in Ireland. I know even with my struggles I have friends here who love me very much, that will miss me- but my mental being love telling me otherwise. That it's also not a reason to stay here, that there's so many ways to keep in contact.

    Health wise....I've had a down period lately. Lots of headaches (etc, etc). I've mainly come around from this, I still get some issues but I'm trying to push on with it all. So I've been dealing with that okay! But (NOW isn't that a great word to have here)- I've got a few small red dots in different places on both arms and on my legs and lots of itchy points- I haven't used any new body products or I wasn't anywhere to get bug bites. The red spots are small and I try my best not to itch. It's probably harmless and will pass as it only came on two nights ago and I noticed the spots yesterday. I put some cream on them and hope they clear up. There's always something .

    I've also struggled alot with sleeping lately....that's never fun but some lovely members here have been so helpful. I wish someday to sleep before 4 am again!

    I'm going to keep everything here, all the health stuff, other life stuff. Hope it all goes onwards tho!
    Last edited by SarahNah; 26-05-19 at 01:28. Reason: Added detail

  2. #2
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    Re: New Chapter

    Kudos to you for having courage to start afresh in another country. As you say, you will miss friends and family but nothing is set in stone, and if you find you don't like it there or can't settle in, you can always return.

    Life is about trying and taking the first steps to leave our comfort zone. The rest is immaterial and part of the journey.

    Wishing you all the best. Keep us updated on progress
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  3. #3
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    Re: New Chapter

    You are young and free to do whatever you want so all credit to you for planning this new adventure and there's no reason to think that you won't have anything other than a whole new exciting life in Germany.

    I hope you have a good trip out there next week.

  4. #4
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    Re: New Chapter

    Quote Originally Posted by KK77 View Post
    Kudos to you for having courage to start afresh in another country. As you say, you will miss friends and family but nothing is set in stone, and if you find you don't like it there or can't settle in, you can always return.

    Life is about trying and taking the first steps to leave our comfort zone. The rest is immaterial and part of the journey.

    Wishing you all the best. Keep us updated on progress
    Thank you so much! I've got to remind myself at times that Germany isn't actually that far from Ireland! I swear sometimes it feels like it's on the other end of the world! I've done the trip a few times by myself to get things set up! The lead up to the flight is always the worst I find...I was never a good flyer! It's all about the steps towards a better future

    Here's hoping that I have more good updates than bad ones! Both life isn't always just a up! There is some downs and that isn't a bad thing.

  5. #5
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    Re: New Chapter

    Quote Originally Posted by pulisa View Post
    You are young and free to do whatever you want so all credit to you for planning this new adventure and there's no reason to think that you won't have anything other than a whole new exciting life in Germany.

    I hope you have a good trip out there next week.
    Thank you Pulsia . I'm trying to make the best out of everything. Like tomorrow I have to fly to Amsterdam after that get a train. I've never done it that way but it's all going to be okay. I rather take the chance and eh if it doesn't work out- it doesn't work out and there's no shame in that but its all about taking the chance.

    I'm trying to handle the health anxiety stuff better, that it's all been okay in the past. I've had lots of tests. I can do this, I can finally get over the HA I've just got to keep working on it and not dwell.

    (Also Pulisa, I saw in another thread earlier you have your own struggles right now. Good luck on your tests and sending you lots of positive thoughts )

  6. #6
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    Re: New Chapter

    I'm getting the 1.30 am bus to another county (Airports in Ireland are shocking.) It's a three hour ride, I'm ready getting my good friend anxiety! Pains in my left arm- probs muscle! Feeling heavy legged, just over off. We love bringing it with us where we go! I know I'll feel better when I land...just a few hours before that

  7. #7
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    Re: New Chapter

    Just landed back home! There was a huge stress of the flight would go or not and people acting rather drunk... Let's say they nearly got the flight to land in England instead of Ireland ������

    I have to wait another two hours for a three hour bus home.

    I'm still having alot of anixety at night--it seems to be the wrost time. Heart bumping, feeling weak, it's not fun but hopefully we'll move in again!

    I still have the red bu ps on my arms but I don't think about them to much.

    While I was away I got a very sudden pain in my thoart that hurt whenever I swallowed? I noticed a white spot/small area on my tonsil (which is always big?). I washed my mouth out with water and salt a few times (sometimes my Mam always had us do when we were little.) the pain meanwhile went, I got a small pain again after getting off my flight and I checked and the white spot is still there? While I was away I was dry thoart alot and had to keep drinking water... As well as feeling overly hot alot :/ I'm trying to keep myself calm and not go off on a health anixety trip aagin
    Last edited by SarahNah; 01-06-19 at 00:48.

  8. #8
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    Re: New Chapter

    The ride back last night was rough and long but I manged to get home! Get some good sleep also.

    My throat has hurt today, I'm also having a strange headache /pain just around my right temple/long the long side of my head onto my forehead. Side side as the white dot on the tonsil....I'm feel rather unwell and dizzy at times. Hoping it's all just from the travel :( Have to have a 12 hour shift at work tomorrow

  9. #9
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    Re: New Chapter

    New chapter, less focusing on symptoms?

    Well done on getting back home safe and sound! You are bound to feel shattered! Just get some decent sleep tonight.

  10. #10
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    Re: New Chapter

    Quote Originally Posted by pulisa View Post
    New chapter, less focusing on symptoms?

    Well done on getting back home safe and sound! You are bound to feel shattered! Just get some decent sleep tonight.
    Old habits die hard ! I know I'm annoyed with myself for slipping. I think alot of it had to do with so much free tree traveling yesterday. I can't read/watch anything when I travel as it makes me feel sick! (I know, don't worry about this strangely as for once I can be reasonable and know I always had this ).

    I hope when I get more into a real day-to-day again I get in control again!

    Thank you Pulisa x

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